the death trend can be increased significantly
Since this is a future projection, it should not be referred as a possibility. The graph shows a factual representation of the future measurement. Therefore "can" should be replaced with "will" to reflect the correct future measurement in terms of grammar accuracy.
1964 after that
There should be a period at this point. The word "after" reflects a new information sentence seperate from and not in comparison with the previous sentence. Therefore, a period is required to seperate the two sentence ideas. The seperation is needed to clearly present each measurement idea within an individual analysis presentation format.
than the other one (around 10,000) in 1901
Do not place important information in a parenthesis. Notice that if you used the actual information, the sentence would have had a clearer reference point and would have allowed for proper information inclusion in the report.
The writer shows an ability to analyze the information provided in the image. His problem lies within his lack of sentence structure control. The lack of proper sentence formation prevents him from consistently representing cohesive and coherent sentence / paragraph presentations. Sentence development exercises can help reduce these types of errors.