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The line chart presents changes in the proportion of birth and death rates in NZ from 1901 to 2101


huyenanhdoan 1 / -  
Jan 19, 2022   #1

New Zealand's birth and death statistics



The line chart presents changes in the proportion of birth and death rates in NZ from 1901 to 2101.\

In general, the birth rates tend to decrease in the future meanwhile the death trend can be increased significantly, which creates a huge gap between the two figures.

Between 1901 and the present day, the birth rate has been continuously higher than the death rate. It stood at 20,000 at the first point and dramatically increase to a peak at 67,000 in 1964 after that it fluctuated from 50,000 to 63,000 at the end of the century. Since the first beginning of the century, a downward trend has been recorded from 49,000 to 45,000 and could befall in the next decade.

On the other hand, the mortality rate was lower than the other one (around 10,000) in 1901. There is a moderate increase from 10,000 to nearly 30,000 before the 21st century but from that time the increase is predicted to be more rapid between 2021 to 2061 when the rate will probably remain stable at 60,000 and slowly go down in 2101
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,696 4118  
Jan 19, 2022   #2
the death trend can be increased significantly

Since this is a future projection, it should not be referred as a possibility. The graph shows a factual representation of the future measurement. Therefore "can" should be replaced with "will" to reflect the correct future measurement in terms of grammar accuracy.

1964 after that

There should be a period at this point. The word "after" reflects a new information sentence seperate from and not in comparison with the previous sentence. Therefore, a period is required to seperate the two sentence ideas. The seperation is needed to clearly present each measurement idea within an individual analysis presentation format.

than the other one (around 10,000) in 1901

Do not place important information in a parenthesis. Notice that if you used the actual information, the sentence would have had a clearer reference point and would have allowed for proper information inclusion in the report.

The writer shows an ability to analyze the information provided in the image. His problem lies within his lack of sentence structure control. The lack of proper sentence formation prevents him from consistently representing cohesive and coherent sentence / paragraph presentations. Sentence development exercises can help reduce these types of errors.


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