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IELTS TASK 1 LINE GRAPH AND BAR CHART : WATER CONSUMPTION - globally from 1900 to 2000


Phuongnguyen256 5 / 10 1  
Jul 2, 2018   #1
Hi. My name's Phuong. I'm 18. I have been learning IELTS for few days. I hope to get 7.0 on the test around 19 July. I'd be very thankful if you can help me with my task 1 essay below. Then I'm also ready to help you back. Have a nice day!

WATER CONSUMPTION TESTED



WRITING TASK 1 - TEST 1 (CAM 6)

MY ANSWER:

The line graph compares the amount of water used globally from 1900 to 2000 in three parts of economy. The bar chart shows the figure for water people in Brazil and Congo consumed in 2000.

Overall, the graph indicates the huge gap between Brazil and Congo in 2000 in terms of water consumption per person. The chart shows a rise in the amount of water used by three sectors throughout that century.

In 2000, each Brazillian used much more water than a Kongo, with 359 m3 and 8 m3 respectively. The population of Brazil was 176 million then whereas there are just 5,2 million citizens in Congo. Additionally, the area of irrigated land of Brazil could be estimated 265 times larger than that totalled in Congo.

It is noticeable that water spending by these sectors reached their highest in 2000. As the highest of all, agriculture sector accounted for 3000 km3 of water use in 2000, having gained 2500 km3 in relation to its in 1900. In turn, the figure for water use by Industry and Household ranked the second and the third place, with just above 1000 km3 and nearly 500 km3 each. Global water comsumption by Industry increased by 1000 km3, while Household consumed nearly more 500 km3 of water than in 1900.

215 words




Holt [Contributor] - / 7,656 2035  
Jul 3, 2018   #2
Viet, your opening summary / overview is not properly presented. There are a few bits of missing information in the presentation that led to the incomplete summary presentation. You need to be clear about 2 measurements presented and the types of measurements used. This improper presentation made your TA section confusing and uninformative for the reader. So you could lose major points for that mistake. The proper presentation is as follows:

A line graph and chart table have been presented for comparison purposes covering a decade on decade growth from the year 1900 to 2000 in relation to the water consumption of 3 nations and industries. The nations for comparison are Brazil and the Democratic Republic of Congo. The line graph measured the global water use of agricultural, industrial, and domestic sectors. The chart considers the water use of the population per country in the millions based on irrigated land use per square kilometer (km2) and the usage per cubic meter (m3) of water by individuals. The overall trend for the line graph is a growth in global water use leading into the year 200 while the chart showed that Brazil had the most water consumed in terms of population, irrigated land and water consumption per person.

The complexity of the measurements presented required a full 5 sentence summary analysis. If you compare what I wrote to what you created, you will see the reasons why your summary is incomplete and will not properly inform the reader.

Your comparison analysis per paragraph is also ill informed as you try to complete your presentation in only 2 sentences per paragraph. You need to fully explain the data within 3-5 sentences for the sake of clarity, cohesion, and cohesiveness. Do not jus throw in the information for the sake of throwing it in. You need to make sure the information is accurate and understandable by any reader.

Try to remember that writing more than the required words, but not meeting the considerations for task accuracy will result in a lower score. Your vocabulary is useless if you cannot prove that you understood the information in the given graph and table if you cannot properly explain the content to the reader. Consider for example, that not everyone will know what the measurement indicators mean. An accurate report would use the full terms first to introduce it to the reader, and then use the short cut references after.


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