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The line graph compares the amount of four different types of food consumed in Europe; IELTS 1

Jul 12, 2020   #1
Hello! Here is my task for Writing Task 1, Test 2, Cam 7. I am aiming for band 8 writing, can you tell me if I can achieve it, if not what can I do to improve my writing skills. Thank you so much that you guy spend time reading my thread!

The consumption of fish and meat

The line graph compares the amount of four different types of food consumed by people in a Europian country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall, the expenditure on beef, lamb and fish in this county experienced different decreases over the period of 25 years, while the figure for chicken increased despite fluctuation.

It can be seen from the graph that in 1979 the amount of beef consumed per capita was about 220 grams on a weekly basis, which was the highest of four types. The figures for chicken and lamb were lower, at just around 150 grams for each, while fish accounted for the lowest number with only about 60 grams consumed weekly.

The following decade witnessed the fluctuation of the weekly consumption of beef, also the rapid increase in the figure for chicken, and the year 1989 marks the point at which expenditure on chicken overtook that for beef. From 1989, the weekly consumption of chicken kept on rising, which was about 250 grams in 2004, while the figure for beef dropped to just around 100 grams. Over the 25-year period, the amount of lamb and fish gradually decreased, which were about 60 grams and 50 grams respectively in 2004.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,132 3268  
Jul 12, 2020   #2
You should try to stay within the 175-190 word count. Writing any more than that number opens your report up to various types of errors. Writing 200 words or more should be reserved for the Task 2 essay. You only have 20 minutes for the task 1 report so you should break down your work time into the following:

10 minutes to review, outline, and breakdown the notable parts of the report.
5 minutes to write the draft
5 minutes to review, edit, and finalize the draft before you submit the report for grading

Your summary overview has missed out on 2 key elements of this presentation:
- The measurement type (grams per person per week)
- The title of the graph restated in your own words

Good work on the creative outlining of the types of meat compared in the graph. Excellent trending presentation. Still, you have room for improvement based on the items you missed in the summary overview.

You should always use a comma when enumerating related content such as beef, lamb, and fish. The comma adds a pause that allows the reader to better understand what you are saying. The pause is required is when reading a sentence that may otherwise be too long or bordering on a run-on.

You need not say "It can be seen in the graph". Always assume the reader does not have a copy of the graph and will be reliant on the clarity of your presentation. So no words that will make the reader uncertain about what you are saying. Simply start from the information from 1979 and move forward from there. You have presented several run-on sentences in this discussion, specifically in the second and third paragraphs. When you discussed the information for fish in the second paragraph, that should have been presented in a separate sentence since that is not meat product and does not relate to the first presentation.

The same issues continued to persist in the 3rd paragraph, which made the presentation difficult to follow. Beef must be separated from chicken because, although both meat products, they were measured separated in the graph. Additionally, you missed out on the comparison presentation of overlapping information between beef and lamb, beef and chicken. These 2 overlapping points are part of the "make comparisons where relevant" discussion instruction of the original prompt.

Based on these errors, you should try to aim for a 5 band score first because you failed to achieve that this time. While it is admirable that you have such high hopes for your writing, you should build that dream score gradually. That 8 band score cannot be achieved overnight. You have to work on your writing skills, hone you vocabulary, and perfect your sentence structures and punctuation mark usage to near perfection before you can achieve that kind of score.

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