Unanswered [19] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Ielts task 1: A line graph describing waste production of three companies


masami 1 / -  
Apr 23, 2017   #1
Hi, as I am currently preparing for my imminent Ielts exam, your honest evaluation and score would be appreciated a lot. Thanks for you help in advance :)

Ielts writing task 1

COMPANIES GARBAGE AND TRASH - IN TONNES



The graph below shows the amounts of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years.

The line graph above compares the waste production of three enterprises in the span of 15 years,from 2000 to 2015.

Overall, company A and B saw a decline in amounts of waste produced while company C experienced a steady rise between the year 2000 and 2015.

It is clearly shown in the graph that company A produced 12 tonnes of waste in 2000 and it cut the waste output to slightly below 9 tonnes in 2015. On the contrary, company C started off with 4 tonnes in waste production and then steadily increased to considerably above 9 in 2015.

As for company B, its waste production gradually rose from about 9 tonnes in 2000 to approximately 10 tonnes in 2005. Company B then witnessed a rapid fall in waste output to 3 tonnes in the year of 2015.

Words count:138 words




Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Apr 23, 2017   #2
Wong, you are short of the word minimum word requirement of 150 words for the task 1 essay. Falling short of the word requirement will result in a failure of the TA score, which could lead to an overall failing grade in the test. You need to try to write more words per paragraph in order to create a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph presented. In this instance, I feel that you could have combined the first 2 paragraphs to create a more solid information foundation for your summary. There is also a lack of analysis in this essay because you only reported on the obvious information but failed to see that there were certain points where the graphs overlap with one another. Meaning there are some slight similarities between the groups that need to be represented as well. Without that presentation, your essay comes across as mechanical and lacking in information analysis. Based on the problems of your essay, I would dare to say that you cannot score higher than a 4. If you can improve upon the problems I indicated in your next practice test, you should show an improvement in your writing style and an increased score as well.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Apr 23, 2017   #3
Hi Wong, I have a few useful suggestions for finalizing this writing.
First, make sure that you meet the essential requirement for writing task 1. You have to write at least 150 words. If there enables, you should writing words 160 - 175 words. Don't create the writing too long. Then, you are supposed to construct the good paragraphs. Keep in your mind that the good paragraph has at least three sentences. In the first paragraph, there consists of a paraphrase of the statement as well as an overview. The overview contains general trends occurring in the graph. Pick the attractive trends if you wanna get a high score for this case.

After that, it's better on condition that you create two body paragraphs. Thus, you have to consider making groups of your explanation. Before writing, you need time for analyzing. As we know, our job in the writing task 1 is to compare figures, not to describe them separately. Unfortunately, you did not do that in the above writing. Therefore, you should do brainstorming before starting.

Hopefully, those can help you to improve your skill
GOOD LUCK
okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
Apr 24, 2017   #4
Wong, considering that writing task 1 always involves description, comparing and contrasting the information presented in a line graph or a chart, I want to give you some tips that would help you to meet the minimum 150 word criteria in a jiffy, while maintaining accurate analysis of the content of chart or graph. Firstly, having paraphrased the prompt in your opening statement, observe the graph quickly and take note of trends that are immediately obvious on the chart. Those trends will form the basis of your overview statement. For instance, considering the graph in your post, here is an overview:

'Overall, there was a general decline in the level of unwanted materials generated in company A while the company C counterpart recorded a rise. Also, the increase in the amount of wastes produced in company B was interrupted by a sharp progressive decrease. Thus, the two intercepts formed as the slopes of companies A and B cut across that of company C show some level of similarities in the quantity of wastes produced by these manufacturing firms.'

I just gave an overview of the obvious trends in your graph and I have 76 words already. Yours may not really be like mine as you practise, but keeping in mind the way I tried to capture the information in three sentences would help you to come up with a better overview in your next practice tests. This overview should be a paragraph as you rightly created in your current draft. In the next paragraph, you are meant to look critically at each of the slopes for the various companies and describe the decline, the rise, the rise and fall, and the similarities you mentioned in your overview. This time, you should relate your statement, where necessary, to the actual value of the wastes and the corresponding periods of production. See the next example to that effect:

'On the one hand, company A experienced a sustained decrease in the amount of wastes from 12 to 8 tonnes between 2000 and 2015. There was a sharp increase from 8 to 11 tonnes of wastes generated in company B within a five year period from 2000 to 2005, although the latter experienced a progressive decrease from 11 to 3 tonnes in the next decade that followed. On the other hand, the production of unwanted materials rose from 4 to 6 tonnes in company C from 2000 to 2005, remained fairly increased from 6 to 7 tonnes from 2005 to 2010, and then experienced another sharp increase from 7 to 10 tonnes in next five years after 2010.'

Notice that I have not talked about the similarities at the intercepts. So, by the time you discuss that, you shall have written more than 150 words. Remember, the instances above are meant to let you have a feel of how to approach the writing task 1 during your practice tests. You should time yourself during practice so as to check your writing speed and vocabulary development. I do not know how imminent your real test is, but I do hope that these tips would help you to improve faster. Take note that as soon as your are done with the paragraph depicting the second instance as shown above, having written 3-4 sentences, you must conclude your essay and then do a review. I hope these suggestions will improve your response to this aspect of IELTS writing test.


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1: A line graph describing waste production of three companies