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The line graph elucidates the percentage of inhabitants aged 65 and more in three nations


lin0208 3 / 3 1  
Feb 8, 2019   #1

Writing task 1: Ielts - Line Chart



Word: 188.

The mentioned line graph elucidates the percentage of inhabitants aged 65 and more in three nations in the period of 1940 to 2040.

As it can be seen from the graph, the proportions of the elderly in all three nations show an upward trend over a span of 100 years. Outstandingly, Japan is anticipated to have the most substantial increase in its elderly dwelers.

In 1940, the country with the highest rate of population was America with 9% while the opposite was true for Japan with 5%. The period between 1940 and 2000 witnessed a slight growth in the aforementioned population in the USA and Sweden reaching 14% and 15% respectively. However, the percentage of Japanist pp aged 65 year and over remained unchanged at 5% in this period.

After 2000, there will be an increasing fluctuation in the proportion of Swedish elderly inhabitants to 25%. Futhermore, a plateau at 14% in the forenamed the American elderly is expected, but later rise to 23%. Besides, after increasing steadily from 2000 to 2030, the rate of Japanist population will hit the highest point at 27%, which is a surprise.

Because I'm going to take the real test next week so please give me the most detailed feedback and a band score.




Hammy 13 / 35  
Feb 8, 2019   #2
i think you have problems in dividing paragraphs and you didn't use all of information in the line chart you have
i recommend you for dividing the body into 3 paragraphs and each of them describes a country from 1940 to 2040
please giving the peaks, the lowest and how special they grow,...
moreover, don't you have conclusion?
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Feb 9, 2019   #3
Ni, you should be more careful with the way you spell and use certain words. Spelling mistakes the wrong use of reference words usually stem from the writer being careless. Although it may not have your intention to misspell a word, it will affect your LR scores just the same. Mistakes such as:

Futhermore = Furthermore
Dwelers - Dwellers
Japanist = Japanese

While these seem to be just a small percentage of misspelled words, these mistakes still have the ability to pull down your LR and overall final score.

Now, confused word usage also appears to be a problem in your essay, which will also affect your LR score along with your C&C plus GRA scores. Your mistakes such as:

Anticipated = predicted

There is a difference in word meaning since anticipated means; "To feel or realize beforehand; foresee" while predicted is defined as "To state, tell about, or make known in advance, especially on the basis of special knowledge." Since you are referring to information known in advance because of the chart, the correct term to use is not anticipated but rather, predicted.

Always indicate clear information. There is no need to say "aforementioned population", simply say "population in the USA". Don't confuse your presentation. By the way, don't use text speak in this essay. What do you mean by "pp"? I believe that means people but you need to spell out the whole word because this is an academic writing test. Text spelling is not accepted and will be considered when finalizing your GRA score.

Your summary overview is incomplete. You have to indicate the following in the summary overview:
1. Type of image
2. Representation of the image
3. Countries indicated
4. Measurement type
5. Age range
6. Countries indicated

All of these information are required information to help inform the reader about the upcoming discussion paragraphs. Combine information whenever possible to achieve the 3-5 sentence requirement for the 4 paragraph presentation. Don't bother with a conclusion. That is only required in a Task 2 essay.

Your trending statement could have used another sentence to meet the minimum sentence requirement as well. While the trending statement could be a single sentence reference, I often advice students to either combine the trending statement with the summary overview, to add to the C&C consideration to the essay, or develop a 3 sentence trending statement based on the presented graph data whenever possible.


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