Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS Writing Task 1 - Line graph: the figures for passenger railway journeys in the UK


ngthuha 6 / 14 5  
Sep 23, 2020   #1

The graph shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5



The line graph compares the figures for travel by British people using 3 different systems of railway over a period from 1950 to 2004/05.
It is clear that the light rail & metro system is by far the least popular throughout the period shown. Also, while the number of people who used London underground and light rail & metro systems increased, the number of national rail passengers dropped slightly.

In 1950, the national rail network and the London Underground were used by 1000 million and around 700 million people respectively, whereas light rail & metro system remained the least popular choice until the year 1980. The national rail network users reached a peak of nearly 1100 million in 1960 and fell by roughly 400 in the 1980s. During the same period, London underground fell steadily to 500 millions passengers

By 2004/05, a considerably increase in the number of users can be seen for the underground, with a jump of nearly 600 millions and from around 1982. Also, the figures for national railway and metro systems rose considerably to nearly 1000 million and 150 million commuters.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,742 3794  
Sep 23, 2020   #2
You have shown a highly creative approach to the presentation of the information from the line graph. You have successfully hooked the reader and informed the reader based on your initial / summary presentation. Try to avoid the use of words like "also" which makes it seem like you are adding information as an after thought. Always show each part of the information importance by giving it a direct reference. Kick it off with "While..." to show the clarity of your analysis based on that information.

You missed a period at the end of the last sentence in the second paragraph. It is important that you keep a uniform presentation throughout your essay. That means, stick to the 3-5 sentence presentation per paragraph. Your last paragraph only has 2 sentences, which are a bit confusing to read. Rather than using a comma, you could have framed the next set of information from the first sentence into 2 sentence presentations instead.
Eabc 4 / 9 1  
Sep 23, 2020   #3
@ngthuha
"a considerably increase" - In my opinion it is a grammar mistake, either you can write 'a considerable increase' or 'increase considerably'. This is because a verb is followed by an adverb not the other way round.

You have also missed a full stop in the last sentence of your second para. It is very crucial to not miss appropriate puntuation.

This is my personal opinion not an expert one. Please correct me if I am wrong.
OP ngthuha 6 / 14 5  
Sep 24, 2020   #4
@Holt I do appreciate your feedback on my report writing. I will make note on your suggestion of the mistakes that I've made in order to improve my writing. Thankyouso much! Hope to receive more commences from you in my upcoming essays.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Line graph: the figures for passenger railway journeys in the UK