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Writing IELTS Task 1: Line graph about the movement to urban area in 3 countries

tienphat 1 / -  
Dec 20, 2019   #1

people moving from rural to urban places

The line graph represents the proportion of three countries' citizens who has moved from countryside to the metropolitan from 2000 up to now and how this number will be changed 5 years later.

Overall, all three countries have been witnessing the increases in the number of people's movement in the whole period but the proportion has experienced a more significant alteration in country A and C.

First of all, in 2000, the number of people deciding to move in three countries could not reach 20 million. However, in the next 5 years, the number of urbanites in country A started rising sharply and there was a gradual change in the country B's. On the other hand, the migration in country C did not progress at a high speed as it had only soared 1 to 2 million by 2005.

Nevertheless, from 2005 to 2020, the number of settlers in country C has skyrocketed markedly and has chased after the movement of country A until both countries reached 80 million in 2020 simultaneously. In a foreseen future, the number of people shifting to capital city in country C is predicted to surge over the country A's proportion. In contrast, after increasing gradually until 2020, the tendency in the number of urbanites in country B is anticipated keeping stable in the next 5 years.

  • Topic

kanzanism 2 / 2 2  
Dec 22, 2019   #2
- from countryside: It appears that an article is missing before the word countryside. Consider adding the article.
- the proportion of three countries' citizens: consider changing it into a proper one, let me give you a suggestion with this sentence: the proportion of citizens in three different countries.

-who has moved: I was a little bit confused where the word ''who'' refers to? If you mean that it will refer to ''citizens'' then you need to change ''has'' to have

- give more flexibility to your overview by using the linking words such as however, in reverse, by contrast, etc instead of using but

Body 1
- First of all is kind of overused word, consider using uncommon bridging or you may go directly writing In 2000
- It would be better if you focus on comparison among the three countries with complex sentences. That said, you may consider removing the first sentence in body 1.

Body 2
- anticipated keeping stable: you may change it into the proper one prevailed consistency or remained stable

Last but not least, I just give you the area of improvement based on my knowledge, however, your writing is good! keep up the good work.
Tria170393 1 / 2 1  
Dec 31, 2019   #3
from the countryside to ...
over all
in countries A and C
body 1
in the country B's
body 2
to a/the capital city

thank you wonderful writing
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,183 2314  
Jan 16, 2020   #4
You have a tendency to write run-on sentences instead of a mix of long and short sentences to create a paragraph. The mixed length sentence allows you to create a far more coherent paragraph through a fully developed thought process. This also allows you a chance to aim for and get a better GRA and LR score. The summary doesn't a complete run down of information and the trending sentence should be a separate sentence that stands alone at the end of the paragraph. Since the graph goes all the way to 2025, it should have been indicated that way instead of the grammatically incorrect "up to now", which should have been written as; "up to the present time." Grammatical errors abound in the paper that will result in a low GRA and LR score. It would be difficult for an essay of this type to get a passing score.

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