Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS TASK 1 Line Graph - number of consumers who spent money on a books in some European Countries

Hanhan0109 1 / 1  
Apr 23, 2019   #1

printed books purchased

There is a line graph at the end of the message,
and here is my text:

  The line graph indicates how much money was spent on books in four European Countries which are Germany, France, Italy and Austria respectively over a period of ten years between 1995 and 2005.

  As can be seen in the graph, Germany spent the biggest amount of money in 1995, while Austria spent the least amount. In more detail, Germany continued its upward trend to 90 million US dollars until 1999, then dropped slightly by 2003, but soon hit the new high at around 95 million dollars in the end of the year 2005. Although people in Austria spent the least amount of money among the four countries in 1995, they paid more and more money in the following ten years and took over Italy in 2003 with the figure of 62 million us dollars to rank in the third place.

France and Italy showed similar proportion to each other with fairly constant trend since 1995, and the both countries reached the peak with the amount of 75 and 63 million US dollars by 2005.

Thank you in advance to help improving my writing skills❤️

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Apr 23, 2019   #2
The first sentence's formatting is quite complex and baffling; I would recommend try shifting around the thoughts to make it appear structured. Try eliminating words that are unnecessary (filler words) as well to have more content.

If I were you, I would put it this way:
The line graph reflects the money spent on books over a period of ten years between 1995 and 2005 in four European countries: Germany, France, Italy, and Austria.

In addition to the comments above, I had also replaced indicates with reflects as it is more appropriate when it comes to graphical interpretation (ie. indicates means to pertain to and is more relevant if you are making an analysis based on text, while reflects pertains to more of a visual interpretation). I had also removed the capitalization on the word countries because it is quite unnecessary in this context.

Watch out for your usage of preposition. For instance, in your second paragraph, notice how it should be by the end of the year rather than in the end of the year because you were speaking of a movement that stopped at one point. Using more appropriate preposition can help elevate your writing.

Try to use more formal language in general. For instance, in the last sentence of your second paragraph, it is quite noticeable how it lacks that concise flow that is required of technical analysis. If I were to revise this portion, I would say:

Although Austrians spent the least amount of money in 1995, this increased exponentially in the following years, taking over Italy in 2003. They had reached 62 million US dollars, ranking in third overall.

Notice how simply separating these sentence into two different lines can help have more structure in your essay. I had also tried to minimize the usage of redundant, repetitive words (in this case, money was mentioned twice even though it was unnecessary).

Try to apply these recommendations and comments the next time that you try to create technical, interpretative content. Best of luck.
OP Hanhan0109 1 / 1  
Apr 26, 2019   #3
I really appreciate your useful advice😄
I will try to modify it to improve my writing skills😄

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 Line Graph - number of consumers who spent money on a books in some European Countries