IELTS TASK 1 - LINE GRAPH - Number of inhabitants in the Oregon, USA (with picture)

Here is the website with line graph picture.
ielts-exam.net/academic_writing_samples_task_1/809/

Number of Oregon citizens - historical data

The line graph shows the population change in three different counties in Oregon State, located in the United States, from 1940 to 2000.

It is noticeable that the population in the three different counties all increased during the period of time. Moreover, Washington owned the most citizens among the three counties and a considerable rice can be seen in Washington population between 1970 and 2000.

In 1940, 75 thousand people lived in Washington, meanwhile, roughly 30 thousand residents and 29 thousand residents were in Yamhill and Columbia respectively. Before 1970, Washington population saw an obvious increase to approximately 121 thousand people. During the same period, the population in Yamhill and Columbia rose steadily, with 45 thousand people and about 31 thousand people respectively in 1970.

By 2000, the figure for Washington population had dramatically grown to approximately 242 thousand people. On the contrast, the other two counties saw steady increase in the population but the figures were both relatively lower than that of Washington.

@CHIHYULIN while I appreciate the url for the graph that you provided, it is a must that you instead upload the image to the site along with your posting because it makes it easier for me to compare the work that you did with the pop-up window of the image itself. It is difficult to be moving from one tab to another while reviewing the image and the essay that you wrote. Please take note of that next time. It is also safer for all computers of all the users of this forum because exterior links are not checked for viruses by our system so we could could lose our computer access in case of an infection. Please do not post a url link in your next essay. Upload the photo instead.

Your overview summary is incomplete. It lacks information about which 3 counties are being used in this line graph study. There was also a lack of indication of the number of population in the Thousands. You will lose points for that. The overview should be at least 3 sentences long. It should be compressed into a singular paragraph as you did in this instance. If you had properly represented the information from the graph, then you would have had a more complete summary overview for the opening statement and scored higher.

The second paragraph is short by one sentence of the minimum requirement. You still failed to mention the other 2 states that were included in the study and you misspelled the word "rise" as "rice". I am sure you know the difference in the meaning of the two words. That is self explanatory. You could have combined that second paragraph with the third paragraph in order to develop a more coherent and concise presentation of your information. You forgot to mention that the population was equal in 1940 for Yamhill and Columbia.

The final paragraph could have used more development by one sentence so that the essay could have had a better GRA score. You could have divided the 2nd sentence in order to create 2 separate but informative sentences that would have depicted a better analytical presentation on your part. For me, the more acceptable presentation could have been as follows:

By 2000 ... In contrast, the other two counties steadily increased in the population . However, the figures were both relatively lower than that of Washington.