[IELTS writing task 1] Line graph: spread consumption

The graph below shows the consumption of three spreads from 1991 to 2007.
Summarize the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Please help scoring this essay. My test is in 3 days' time!!

margarine, low fat and butter consumption

The given line graph visualizes the information on how much three types of spreads were consumed between 1981 and 2007. Units are measured in grams. Overall, despite being popularized from a much earlier time, butter and margarine intake declined throughout the years. The pattern was reversed for low fat and reduced spreads however.

In the initial year, butter dominated with over 140 grams consumed. The number then rose to a peak of almost 160 grams in 1986. From this point, butter intake went through a crash to approximately 70 grams in 1996 and further to 50 grams by the end of the recorded period.

With regards to margarine, its consumption began with around 90 grams before reaching the highest figure of 100 grams in 1991. Remaining unchanged in the following five years, the figure then experienced the same downturn similar to that of butter, finishing at 40 grams.

On the other hand, the year 1996 marked the emerge of low-fat and reduced spreads. Since then, this kind of spread began to gained popularity with a remarkable speed. In 2001, the reported consumption stood at above 80 grams, which was equal to that of margarine. It then fell slightly to 70 grams in 2007, classified as the most prevalent choice of spreads.

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Hi Giang

I am really impressed with your essay, especially the way you use a wide rage of vocabulary to support your ideas. However I think that you should add more comparisons in the body of this essay. For example: In 1991, the consumption of margarine surpassed that of butter at 100 grams...

Giang, I think this essay will score no more than a 5 in an actual test. A score of 5 indicates that you only have a superficial review and presentation of the information provided. You did not do a deeper analysis of the line graph in order to come up with a more intricate and informative presentation. There is a limited vocabulary range on your part which resulted in confusing sentence structures. This affected your C&C and GRA scores because the length of your paragraphs are inconsistent. Sometimes you have only 2 sentences, which doesn't qualify as a paragraph and sometimes, you have 3 sentences which qualifies as a paragraph at the minimum sentence requirement. You need to try and write at least 5 sentences per paragraph in order to develop an intricate and analytical presentation of the information and also, allow yourself the opportunity to develop complex sentence presentations.

The summary overview that you wrote contains actual information dissemination coming from the line graph. It seems that you did not remember that the summary overview only outline the discussion and presents certain key information from the graph that will be the basis of the body of paragraphs discussion. In this version, you tried to present a trending sentence that accidentally informed the reader of information that needed to be developed and presented as a part of a complete paragraph rather than as mere information bits in the opening summary.

When you analyze these graphs, look for the overlapping and similar comparison points for presentation. I found that there were 4 overlapping points that created the basis of a discussion pertaining to similar consumption of spreads during specific years. Little details like that help to increase your overall score because you proved that you studied the graph in a comprehensive manner.