Uk adolescents following the vegetarian diet
I cannot upload the image of the graph directly so i will leave its link here: drive.google.com/file/d/1AUahgUJI4kbVyrtQJSZHmJipOdD6JlBZ/view?usp=sharing
I'm aiming for band 7.5 in writing. I hope you can help me evaluate my essay whether it is qualified enough for that band and which part i should practice more.
Thank you in advance!
The line graph illustrates how the percentage of teenagers who followed a vegetarian diet had changed over the period from 1960 to 2019 and predict its trend in 2020. The investigation was conducted in the UK.
Overall, vegetarian diet was more popular among adolescents in 2019 than in the first year of the shown period. Moreover, it is assumed that in 2020, this trend will continue to increase, however, slightly, from over 10% to nearly 15%.
Looking at the details, the period from 1960 to 1980 witnessed a dramatic increase in the prevalence of green diet with its peak at approximately 17%. However, after that peak, it decreased significantly to only 7% in the next 10 years before fluctuating until falling to 5% in 2000.
Consequently, in the first 10 years of the 21th century, the tendency of consuming a green meal among young adults seemed to rise noticeably, with its figure being 12%, which nearly doubled the record in the last 10 years. After that, the trend remained quite stable and is predicted to have a moderate rise in the last year of the period.
I am not familiar with IELTS, so I am not really sure.
It was tough to read the task on the google drive.
But reading from your essay, I would say it's good that you mentioned periods where there were an increase/decrease and what that increase/decrease means.
Perhaps in addition, you could talk about beyond the graph. For example, in 2020, where is the graph going ?
I hope this helps.
I cannot see the image clearly but i think that in the overview part, you should not mention figures. Those figures is for the below paragraphs.
You use 2 linking words which are moreover and however in the second sentence of the second paragraph, which, I think, is grammatical wrong.
As far as I know, the overview paragraph is discussing main trends, differences, or stages in a graph or chart without any detailed data such as percentages and number of years. Here is my version of the overview passages:
Overall, the vegetarian diet was very popular and increased dramatically among teenagers in the first period. However, after reached a peak, the figure presented a slight decline before bouncing back and showing a stable trend in the following year.