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Listening greater kinds, forms of music than ever; Traditional vs International


princedynasty 15 / 57 4  
Dec 14, 2011   #1
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic:
there are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

My essay: There is little room for doubt that we are enjoying a greater variety of kinds of music than ever. However, most listeners do not have a clear concept of the importance of music to our life and whether traditional music outweighs International music. This essay will elaborate on these above-mentioned issues.

First of all, we draw a number of benefits from music. People who are under constant pressure from work and lessons choose music as a way of relaxation. Therefore, pleasant types of music such as ballad, pop or classical are preferred. To many students, their favourite songs can be a stimulus to encourage their concentration and passion for some difficult academic aspects. Above all, the enjoyment of music means the appreciation of values of life. Meaningful songs always carry messages about peace, humanity and patriotism. By transferring human belief in virtue distinctively, music spurs its listeners on to keep optimism, despite any obstacle they encounter.

From territorial point of view, music is divided into 2 types-traditional and International songs. I am convinced that although traditional music should be preserved as natural belongings, International songs also play a vital role in bettering our contemporary life. Traditional songs symbolize a country's identity because they have been handed down from our ancestors, undergone momentous changes to bear unique characteristics of where they were born. Unquestionably, they are part of the world's spiritual treasure. We are supposed to protect these cultural values from fading away. However, this does not imply that International songs are less important than traditional songs. International songs are familiar with youngsters as a result of globalisation. Popular music enables us to express ourselves as owners-to-be of the world. It explicitly states our perspective, which can be rebellious or passionate.Therefore, both traditional and International music needs respect from the audience.

As indicated above, The major puposes of music are recreation and profound enjoyment. Regardless of where they come from, beautiful songs are highly appreciated by people all over the world.
emanic 2 / 3  
Dec 14, 2011   #2
that we are enjoying a greater variety of kinds of music than ever.

clear concept of the importance of music in our lives

will elaborate on the aforementioned issues.

choose music as a form of relaxation.

music is divided into two types

From a territorial point of view,

from our ancestors and undergone momentous

Youngsters are familiar with International songs as a result of globalization

indicated above, the major purposes

A lot of the phrases didn't make sense and should probably be reworded. Also, international should not be capitalized.
OP princedynasty 15 / 57 4  
Dec 15, 2011   #3
Thank you Emain Castro,
I appreciate your sharp comment to improve my deplorable and hopeless writing skill
I often get confused about using aforementioned/aforesaid or above-mentioned.
"International" was capitalised by mistake :D
However, globalisation is acceptable in British-English writing.
Could you please help me rephrase all nonsensical words in my essay?
And I remember A LOT OF + PLURAL NOUN WITHOUT THE. :D
stellastella 18 / 25  
Dec 15, 2011   #4
I read your essay and it is quite a good essay, but from my point of view your last paragraph dose not have a sound like conclusion. In other word, in IELTS and TOEFL your last paragraph should be a conclusion about what you have wrote in bodies.
OP princedynasty 15 / 57 4  
Dec 15, 2011   #5
Thank you very much, Stella
Indeed, my conclusion is illogical and not cohesive.
I need to brush up on writing conclusions in essays in order to make them more appropriate.
If possible, please drop me a hint of how I should conclude this essay.
lllpppricky 5 / 6  
Dec 19, 2011   #6
whether traditional music outweighs International music ->whether traditional music outweight International music or not

First of all, we draw a number of benefits from music. People who are under constant pressure from work and lessons choose music as a way of relaxation. Therefore, pleasant types of music such as ballad, pop or classical are preferred. To many students, their favourite songs can be a stimulus to encourage their concentration and passion for some difficult academic aspects. Above all, the enjoyment of music means the appreciation of values of life. Meaningful songs always carry messages about peace, humanity and patriotism. By transferring human belief in virtue distinctively, music spurs its listeners on to keep optimism, despite any obstacle they encounter.

first of all, we can benefit from music. music bring people pleasure in motion and releasing in pressure, which people are controled with constant pressure from work and study. therefore, music can help people to settle and refresh their mind when they feel rather fatigue. for intanse, to many students, they can be encourage to ...


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