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I live in a country where poverty is a massive problem, and the lack of resources is very common

aldebaran 8 / 19 2  
Feb 17, 2014   #1
Hi, I will appreciate your comments of my essay. thx in advance.
It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.

Arts and science have been always important in every society. Some people consider that scientists have a greater role than artists because we live in a scientific time. On the other hand, some others consider that artists have done more contributions because they reflect the society's idiosyncrasy. However, I consider that both type of contributions are valued in my society.

First of all, science has had an important role in the advanced of my society. I live in a country where the lack of resources is very common and poverty have created than some families live in such conditions that are dangerous from them. But the scientists of my country are working to change this situation, and in some cases they have done a great job. For example, scientists have developed a solar kitchen that do not need electricity and avoid the use od wood in houses, which is very dangerous for the people who are inside of the house. This project is extending in most of the highlands in my country, where people is mostly poor. This project won recognition among my country.

In addition, artists have a determinant role and are well considered in my society. Our past people developed many techniques that are using by artists today. The tourism industry is based on the use of his art, therefore it uses many of the art that people from highlands creates everyday in their houses. Moreover, we are very proud that one of the Nobel's winners is from our country. He is just one of the many writers that we have, one tradition that we keep from many years ago.

To sum up, scientist and artists have done great contributions in my society so they are considered valuables people. We can see their contributions in many part of our daily life.

sandipsinh 37 / 91 3  
Feb 17, 2014   #2
we lives in scientific era. - 1ST LINE
Alison 5 / 13  
Feb 17, 2014   #3
There are some unacceptable spelling errors such as "First of all", "project". My suggestion is always to proofread after writing an essay.

Try to learn more vocab to make your essay short and sweet. For example, you could have used "antecedent" instead of "Our past people".


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