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We live today in an electronic information age. It is easier to be connected by technology

utsi 4 / 7 2  
Nov 27, 2016   #1
we live today in an electronic information age. It is easier to be connected by technology yet many people seem no closer to feeling happy in their lives.


With the tremendous development of the technologies, it seems as if people are having the quality life and they appears to be happy in their life as they are teemed with the technologies. However, the reality is different. The excessive use of such technology has hampered the life of people, and people are being despondent in this new era of development.

The advent of internet has created the excessive abuse of the resources. People are more focused in sitting in the computer rather than performing their work. It has not only created lethargy in people but also many mental disorder among the people. Prolonged sitting in front of the computer renders eye problem and also creates many more anxiety in the people.

Similarly, use of such technology makes people introvert so that they are only obsessive to the computer. The socialization of human beings is easily hampered with such technology. One can not be fully socialized when he sits at the corner of a house. Person must speak to other in order to be more socialized, they have to talk face to face, share their feelings at the time of meeting which makes some meaning. To illustrate this, let me take my own experience. I was totally infatuated with a girl, and I used facebook to purpose her, but she did not give any response. I planned to tell the same thing during our visit, she gave me the positive answer. What I want to show that head to head conversation is more reliable than the far distance communication.

The another more obvious reason is that the privacy of the person gets disclosed, which may creates different problems. The criminal activities can be easily pervasive in such case. The position, lifestyle, and any other everyday work can be known through such technology. This technology also brings stranger closer, and finally that vary stranger might hamper you by disclosing your private lifestyle.

In sum, though the technology has brought the people to feel closer, yet there are many more risk that the vary technology can seriously damage your good living life.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,857 4179  
Nov 27, 2016   #2
Utsav, you did really well in the opening statement portion of your essay. You were able to successfully paraphrase your prompt and present a cohesive foundation for your succeeding discussion. The problem, is that you tried to over extend your discussion. You were pretty much on track with the discussion up till the the end of the 3rd paragraph. Then you began to change the direction of your discussion in a manner running alter to the prompt requirements in paragraph 4. Due to the alteration in direction, your task accuracy fell from a possible 7 to a 5. The rest of your discussion suddenly related to cyber security, which is not exactly relevant to the prompt requirements and expected response. So the overall essay score would fall within the 5 range because of the accidental change of topic discussion in your essay. Remember, it is better to present a short essay that is within the minimum word requirement than it is to keep on talking just because you want to use more words which unintentionally changes the discussion focus of your essay. Keeping your essay short will not hurt you. Just make sure you always express yourself in at least 250 words.
OP utsi 4 / 7 2  
Nov 27, 2016   #3
@Holt : I tried to write 3 paragraphs as a main body. Due to such thinking I might have gone in wrong direction. Thanks for your great comment. I will certainly improve such kind of things.

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