I would be very happy if some people would look at the grammar and spelling. Since English isn't my native language there is bound to be some mistakes :*)
Essay Question:
Imagine that when you are an adult you will be honored for making the world a better place. Based on what is important to you now, what do you think you will have done to receive that honor?
If I, when I am an adult, will be honored for making the world a better place, it will not be because I have solved a huge, global problem such as poverty or starvation. That takes more than just one person, it takes many governments and devoted persons. I think I will have been honored for leading a team of scientist who has played a crucial role in the tracking, finding, and as a result there of, arrest, of Joseph Kony.
I want everybody to be happy. It may sound childish and it is an unrealistic thing to wish for. Although I do my best: I listen to my friends and give them advice when they have problems, I am their crying shoulder when they are sad and I am their own personal jester when they need a laugh.
Therefore when I watched the video Kony 2012 by the foundation "Invisible Children", it touched something deep inside me. I felt sorry for these children, that they lived in fear every day and that they had for years without me knowing.
When saw a TV-program about the robot Curiosity, when it landed on Mars, I realized that I wanted to do something like that. I wanted to build and program machines and send them into space. I have always loved technology, gadgets and computers, and then I found out I could work with it. It was a job made for me.
I think that I, with a team of top software and electrical engineers, will have build an advanced satellite, that will have tracked Kony and therefore lead to his arrest, as the soldiers looking for him will finally now where to find him.
All the children he has abducted can return home and people can return to their villages and stop living a life filled with fear for him and his rebel army.
I will not exactly have made the whole world a better place, but in order to do that, you have to start small, and with Kony out of the picture, you will be able to focus on other important problems and solve them gradually. Then, slowly, the world will become a better place.
many governments, organizations and devoted persons.
as a result there of, arrest, of Joseph Kony.
as a result, the arrest of Joseph Konyit touched something deep inside me .
me deep downthat they had for years without me knowing.
didn't get what you wanted to sayWhen saw a TV-program about the robot Curiosity, when it landed on Mars, I realized that I wanted to do something like that.
When I saw a TV-program on the landing of the robot Curiosity on Mars, I realized....I have always loved technology, gadgets and computers, and then I found out I could work with it along with a new idea .
as the soldiers looking for him will finally k now, where to find him.
All the children he has abducted can return home and people can return to their villages and stop living a life filled with fear for Kony and his rebelious army.
You have to work with the ending..do something revolutionary like that.
I will not have made the entire world a better place, but in order to do that, one has to start small, and with Kony out of the picture, one will be able to focus on other important problems and solve them gradually.
I think you should write it like this, though think about it.If we can go on with this pace, who know the world may eventually become a better place!How about that as a ending?Your ending is definitely better, but I have also thought about this ending:
In order to make the world a better place, you have to start small. Do things that inspire and encourage other people to follow your lead and one day do even greater things themselves. That is why I will have been honored for making the world a better place, because I will have solved a problem that will inspire others to do the same.
Yes of course your one seems better than mine! :D
Glad that you pulled that out of your head!
My head just blew off while getting that sentence out from the brain, I hope the same thing happened with yours too! :D
I can honestly say that my brain needs a break after this. Thank you a million times for the help you have provided. I don't know what I would have done without you ;D
You are most welcome! Yeah I need to have a break myself too :D This essay was hell lot of trouble just with the ending! But we have eventually pulled out something good that's what matters!!!
Do give me a like if you find me helpful! D I am collecting likes in my SACK!
Actually, I hope you would help me with one last thing. Here is what they seek in campers:
"We seek bright candidates with diverse talents and interests from different cultural, regional and economic backgrounds. We seek youngsters who have the potential to change their worlds. Individuals who are a good fit with CRS tend to demonstrate:
LEADERSHIP POTENTIAL: A history of taking initiative among one's peers; self-confidence, openness and fairness in dealing with others; cooperation and collaboration when others lead.
CHARACTER: Honesty, compassion, integrity, a concern for humanity and an appreciation of the value of human diversity.
INDIVIDUALITY: A wide range of personal abilities and interests; creativity; divergent thinking.
INTELLECT: A capacity for superior academic achievement and the ability to think critically; curiosity about the world.
LEARNING FROM EXPERIENCE: The ability and willingness to learn from mistakes; using feedback to improve and grow; gaining insight from new experiences.
CULTURAL REPRESENTATION: The ability to represent one's local / regional culture. (The candidates should have lived at least 5 years in the region or country from which they are chosen.)
I have to list 3 things I would like to change or learn about the world. What would I like to learn about the world? I promise I will not write anything that I don't stand behind 100%. I just need to get my brain flowing in the right track ;)
And sure, I'll give you a like :D A hundred likes if I could ;)
I didn't actually get what you said.. maybe explain it a little bit more..
But assuming what you should tell them you wanna learn more/thrive more or you will have to tell you are good at:
LEADERSHIP POTENTIAL, INDIVIDUALITY, INTELLECT
Explain it again, then I maybe of help!
I have to list 3 things that I would like to change or learn about the world. And I just thought: " What would I like to learn about the world?". It has to be something that shows them, that I meet what they want from a camper, a person who takes initiative among one's peers; has self-confidence, have openness and fairness in dealing with others; cooperation and has collaboration when others lead. You also have to be honest, have a concern for humanity, have integrity and an appreciation of the value of human diversity. You have to think independently and have a curiosity about the world. You also have to have the ability and willingness to learn from your mistakes, use feedback to improve and grow and learn from new experiences. Phew... That's a lot...
I think I said what I would like to learn/change...
You might already know that colleges give a huge priority for Leadership thing!!! So it depends on you what you wanna choose eventually!
I have found out... Thank you very much for your help, I don't know what I would have done without it (dĂŠja-vu here?) ;D
Post your new version so we can see what needs to be improved. Other than that it seems like a pretty good essay.
Well my brain is now out of order as I have tried editing it from the start..
See if you can hunt down: dumi, kitsumi, ah_zafari, lornam, dpmg945, fsolano94
They will provide with the best service!
(1) I think that I, with a team of top software and electrical engineers, will have build an advanced satellite, that will have tracked Kony and therefore lead to his arrest, as the soldiers looking for him will finally know where to find him.
I'm not sure if this is in the present tense or the past tense. but here is a suggestion for both:
Past:
With a team of top electrical engineers and software, I would have built an advanced satellite that would have tracked down Kony and led to his arrest.
Present:
With a team of top electrical engineers and software, I will be able to build an advanced satellite that can track down Kony and ultimately lead to his arrest.
Other than that I'd say job well done!
hey fsolano94 I think whatever it is now with that sentence is okay (it's quite complicated though)!
as the author has to describe what she has already done in the future (kinda past) but she is describing that right now (kinda future)..
so it's a mix
Yeah, that's the tricky part. It's in the future, but I have to describe it as if has already happened... Complicated :(
