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Living Alone is The Right Choice


ANSOR99 10 / 6 3  
Apr 7, 2016   #1
TASK 2
In recent times, many people are making the decision to live
alone.
- What are the causes of this?
- Does it have positive or negatives effects on society?

Answer:


In numerous countries, there has been increasing for people who live alone and leave their family. It becomes a majority choice in the society because of some causes. Then, this decision can lead positive and negative impacts in the social community's life. Therefore, the analyzing about these cases will discuss more detail in this essay.

The reasons why persons dare to stay far away from their family to get individual life because of financial and relationship problem. Firstly, economical motivation drives young people to move on to another place which has provided ample job vacancies so that they can earn innumerable money to support their lives. For example, the graduate students who live in the village and they attempt to apply the job in the city centre. As a result, when the job seekers are accepted in the company, they have to live in near the working place. Secondly, relationship problem amidst members of family drag people to go out from house and live alone. For example; the parents who have over protective to their children will make their children decide to live individually out of the hometown.

The habit of living alone can bring advantage and disadvantage to the society. Firstly, a benefit is to teach someone to be independent person. For example; children who live together with family will feel more comfortable because family provides every necessary, while others who live alone must account for themselves to do numerous things in life. Secondly, a drawback is youngsters who separate far from the family will have lack of love. For example, if the independent persons face the problem, thay will save it on their mind and there is no member of family that can give advice to them. Consequently, living alone affect on human's life to get missing affection.

In conclusion, lost-relationship of family and financial matters have increased more people living alone, and Although this case can give positive value, it also has negative effect for community.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 7, 2016   #2
Ansor, I like your efforts in putting some advance vocabularies inside the essay. Indeed, this will not escape the attention of the examiner, especially when it comes to final grade of your essay. Yet, you still need to consider that you should make it balance and less repetitive. Somehow, I found that you often use some particular words repetitively, such as for example = 4 times, firstly, secondly = two times in 2 paragraphs respectively. In addition, I also found that you first paragraph is little bit too bulky, so the detrimental effect goes to your conclusion, which was only 1 sentence. As you can see, below is some quotations of your errors, with corrections applied.

there has been increasing for people who live alone and leave their family.

the number of people who live alone and leave their family has increased.

The reasons why persons dare ......... individual life because of financial and relationship problem.

The reasons why people dare ..... individual life are because of financial and relationship issue.

vacancies so that they

vacancies, so that they

the graduate students who live in the village and they attempt

(no need to mention the subject twice) the graduate students who live in the village also attempt to

they have to live in near the working place.

they have to live near the working place

For example; the parents who have over protective to their children will make their children decide

(it should be comma, not a semicolon) For example, the parents who are over protective towards the children will make them decide..

Overall, what you need to improve is your balance in composing all the paragraphs of your essay. Make one of them at least three sentences, and try to reduce the bulkiness of some paragraphs. I hope you find my feedback is fruitful. I am looking forward to see your future essays.

Keep writing and good luck! :)
nurannisaputry92 36 / 27 2  
Apr 7, 2016   #3
hi ansor,

let me give you some suggestion for your writing:

i think it is better to reduce your sentence in your body paragraph, the sentence should be at least three sentences.

i find some correction in your writing, let me show you :


... for people who live alone and leave(leaving) their family.

... away from their family to get individual life (is) of financial and relationship problem

the graduate students who live in the village and they attempt to apply the job in the city centre (SV Agreement)

The habit of living alone can bring advantage and disadvantage to the society. Firstly, a benefit is to ...

i think, the question ask about advantage and disadvantage to the society. in your statement reveals about the independent person in which this is for individual reason not society:

firstly, a benefit is to teach someone to become more independent in order to learn about how to take responsibility in society or the environment. give some specific example to emphasize your statement.


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