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IELTS: Living away from parents provide youngsters opportunity to meet variety of new people


mvettri 6 / 10 11  
Aug 8, 2014   #1
Thanks for reviewing my essays. please review this one too. thanks a lot for your time.

In many countries recently young single people have been living far from their parent, from time they began studies or work and until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?

In recent years, Major cities have seen unprecedented growth and have become land of opportunities for all of us. Consequently, youngsters from small cities or even from large cities have to relocate for work or studies. This relocation has both advantages and disadvantages, however, overall, I think the advantages are far more than disadvantages.

There are a number of reasons why it is beneficial for youngsters to stay away from parents until they get married. First of all, when youngsters start to live alone, for studies or to work, they meet several kinds of new people every day, consequently, they learn many new things from these people, which otherwise would not have been possible. These new learnings help them to enhance their world knowledge and excel not only in their studies or work, but also help to become a well rounded personality. For example, youngsters who travel to study abroad learn the local language and culture. This helps them to differentiate every culture and most importantly, respect other cultures.

Despite these positives, there are significant drawbacks too. Youngsters who start to live alone fail to get the affection and motivation from their parents, which are very important to be successful in this competitive world. As a result, they feel dejected and demotivated, which creates negative impact on their study or work. In addition, they fail in this important phase of life and spoil their future. Therefore I think youngsters should be close to their families in this important juncture of life.

In conclusion, despite these problems, youngsters living away from parents, as far as I am concerned, provide opportunity to meet variety of new people. Moreover, considering the importance of learning new things everyday at this stage of life, I firmly believe that living away from parents is one the best things to do for all youngsters, until they find their soul mate.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Aug 8, 2014   #2
In the first line of the essay, I think you should use the plural form of the word parent. Parents

The sentence that begins with the word consequently is structured very well.

Oh, suddenly I realize that the pluralization of parents I was talking about is actually part of the essay prompt and not the essay! ha ha

Okay, also check out the word major. In recent years, major - Do not capitalize the word that comes after the comma. Probably that was just mistake.

Instead of saying positives, you can say benefits or advantages. I don't think that is really the correct use of the word positive.

At the end of the essay, when you write "as far as I am concerned" I think adding that to the sentence makes the sentence to complicated. As you are working to improve your English, maybe sometimes it seems that greater skill means writing sentences that are more complicated. But complicated writing is bad writing. Stephen King, Ernest Hemingway,Natalie Goldberg, and many other incredible writers all say it is important to keep writing simple and powerful. Short sentences back a hard punch. Feed the attention of the reader small bite sized portions, and your writing will be intense and powerful.

One more thing about the last paragraph: the word provide refers back to the word living. The word living is actually the subject of the sentence, and the verb is 'provides'... So add an S.
digitalidea 10 / 11 8  
Aug 9, 2014   #3
In recent years, Major cities have seen unprecedented growth and have become land of opportunities for all of us. Consequently, youngsters from small cities or even from large cities have to relocate for work or studies. This relocation has both advantages and disadvantages, however, overall, I think the advantages are far more than disadvantages.

This is not a good introduction, and you need to directly introduce the task response: "young people living far from parents"
OP mvettri 6 / 10 11  
Aug 10, 2014   #4
Thanks for your comments. would improve in the future.
latkhan 4 / 9 3  
Aug 10, 2014   #5
In recent years, Major cities have seen unprecedented growth and have become land of opportunities for all of us. Consequently, youngsters from small cities or even from large cities have to relocate for work or studies. This relocation has both advantages and disadvantages, however, overall, I think the advantages are far more than disadvantages.

Please do check i have written essay on similar topic. anyhow your essay is nice keep practicing.I have rephrased your introduction. However i am a learner too, trying to improve my writing skills these are my personal views let's wait for others to comments: D

In current economic climate it has become more common for young adults to relocate and this is often due to better employment prospects or to gain higher education for their later careers. Although there are some drawbacks young individual face living far from their home yet I believe its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.
OP mvettri 6 / 10 11  
Aug 11, 2014   #6
In current economic climate it has become more
In current economic climate, it has become...

Although there are some drawbacks young individual face living far from their home yet I believe its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.
Although there are many challenges/drawbacks for young individuals who live far from their home, yet I believe its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

I think these are some changes required, but this introduction is definitely better than mine. :)
latkhan 4 / 9 3  
Aug 12, 2014   #7
Thanks for the correction see this is how we learn and improve. please if you have time do check my other essays too.
best of luck
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 22, 2014   #8
In recent years, Majormajor cities have seen unprecedented growth (of what? you need to specify! ) and have become land of opportunities for all of us. Consequently,As a result, youngsters from small cities or even from large cities have to relocate themselves for work or studies. This relocation has both advantages and disadvantages, however, overall, I think the advantages are far more thanover weigh the disadvantages.


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