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TOEFL essay, living in big cities or living in small towns; the Article


BasilMostafa 2 / 2  
Jul 18, 2014   #1
Hi guys
I'm currently preparing for teofl. I know that writing is my weakest skill.
please read and rate my essay on a 30 points base, any feedback is very welcome

word count: 340 words

Article Prompt

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

the Article

Continuous technological and economical development in modern world created great differences between cities, a difference that is clearly visible in the size of various cities. From cities with more that 20 million people to small towns inhabited by only hundreds of people. This diversities in cities allowed for more difference in people's preferences for where to live. For me, I prefer to live in bigger cities that in small ones, this personal attitude is the result of many factors.

First of all,I find the excitement of big cities to be attractive, living in a dynamic environment can turn into a very rich experience that sharpens one's personality and open one's eyes on the real world. Life in big cities cities gives one new challenges every day, let it be deciding which restaurant to go to or deciding which company to work for. For me, this lifestyles is very attractive and is considered a huge advantage of big cities compared with the constant,slow paced life styles of small towns

Another thing that put big cities in front of small towns is the facilitates and services it contains which support and improve the quality of its inhabitants' lives, hospitals , advanced medical facilities can satisfy one's need of medical safety. Cultural events such as exhibitions and theatre plays can enrich one's and widen his horizons, things which aren't offered by small towns.

Furthermore, It's undeniable that the economic power of a country is driven by it's big cities and the majority of wealth and finance is centred and controlled in big cities. with this kind of power big cities offer more opportunities for one's career advancements and a more chances of higher income that small towns does, and higher income can be the basis of a happier, healthier life.

Finally , although I prefer to live in a big city , I can not help but assure that this is a matter of personal taste, to be clear, I would love to spend some days in countryside to recharge my soul and relieve myself from daily stress.
DearbhailS 6 / 10 2  
Jul 19, 2014   #2
This is a good article, but there are also a few flaws. First the attitude of the last paragraph is not very clear. If you insist the opinion that you prefer to live in bigger cities than in small ones,keep this opinion from the beginning to the end strongly. You can just write"In conclusion, i prefer to live in bigger cities ", that is oaky. Second, I think you can use your personal or you friends' expamls to describe why you prefer to live in bigger cities, because these examples contains more details, the point of the toefl essay is "DETAIL" and this article doesn't present many details, but you can improve it next time. If my suggestion is not very good, you can just ignore it~~ Hope you can get high score in TOEFL.
Youbeokay - / 1  
Jul 19, 2014   #3
This diversities --- I am not sure if this is correct, this means singular and diversities means plural..

I am not a native speaker, but just sharing my thought.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jul 22, 2014   #4
Continuous technological and economical development in modern world created great differences between cities, a difference that is clearly visible in the size of various cities.

Well, I find this sentence is not very relevant to your topic. In the intro, you need to start with a great hook that comes with a punch to the reader. The hook should be shorter, catchy, relevant and meaningful :) This is what I suggest for this essay;

The life in a big city and in a small town are entirely different
For me, I prefer to live in bigger cities thatthan in small ones, this personal attitude is the result of many factors

Pay attention to grammar and clarity of your sentences.


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