Living in a big city or staying in a village? Both have definite benefits for people.

Hello everyone. I would appreciate it if you could help me with this paragraph.

where to live - in a city or in a village?

Living in a city or staying in a village both have definite benefits for people. If you live in a city, it may bring you more advantages than you can imagine. It can not be denied that the percentage of finding a good job in a city is much higher than elsewhere because it is an ideal location for many potential companies. Not only does the city bring you many unparalleled opportunities, but it also helps you to expand your circle of acquaintances for meeting new people. Another good reason to live in a big city is to access everywhere more easily via public transportations, or a short drive. On the other hand, there are also advantages when you stay in a village. It's cheaper than living in a big city, so you can save money for other things. Also, the pace of living here is not as fast as living in a city, that means you will have more quality times with your family and friends. In conclusion, if you are thinking about where to live, consider all of these benefits and make a decision that is right for you.

Nguyet, you cannot separate the word cannot into "can not" as that would be a conflicting reference. "Can" means you are able to while "not" means unable to. using the words separately means you are both able and not able to, that results in a confusing reference. While "cannot", the contracted form of the two words clearly means "unable to".

You need to learn to develop your discussion points such as "... more advantages than you can imagine." what advantages are these? Such topic references should be used only as separate paragraph openers, not as a part of a single paragraph presentation. Your paragraph is scattered and does not have any particular discussion focus which means there is no sense to the discussion that a reader can follow. It does not have a clear discussion point that tells the reader what direction the writer is leading into. That is caused by your inability to separate and properly develop your discussion topics as you are presenting partial discussions throughout one paragraph. Overall, the essay has good discussion points but makes little sense in terms of properly explanining what these discussion points are about.