Living with friends or alone Vs living with families; IELTS

Topic: Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or alone rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? (250 words)

Most people in the world have spent approximately more than eighteen years with their family which is enough of their life time. Such fact has led the people to dream their own ruled worlds after finishing their basic education. Over eighteen years people have disciplined to be one of fair ones who fit into a society well - they have taught not to hurt others. Therefore their childhood or adolescenthood is only a part of preparing to be a member of society which means children need cares and supports from their parents. However, the roles of parents disappear when their children are ready to be considered as adults.

In addition, an individual's independent lifestyle has more benefits than being domesticated at home. One of benefits is that people can learn how to manage more difficult and various problems. As the people feel more uncomfortable, they will figure out how to repel their negatives and promote positives. It's inevitable that people have to go through lifelong learning and living alone is definitely a part of it.

An extended free time is another advantage of being independent. People will need to find how they are going to use their times wise and more efficient when they are left alone. For example, they can have cultural activities such as going to art galleries or theatre. These activities enhance their views on world. We can grow more by spending more time for ourselves.

To summarise, living alone or with friends is a good way of learning. Not only can people learn how to hold a responsible for what they have done, they also can construct much better planning for themselves.

I need your help please! Always welcome any better ideas and feedback.

Well .... you present this idea as a very general one, but many would oppose to this. So, it's better to present this as the way you think;

Many people in the world spend at least eighteen years with their families and I guess it is enough for their life time. This is why, in my opinion, people dream of living their lives independently as per their own set of rules, the moment they finish their basic education.

Oneof benefitsbenefitis that people can learn how to managemoredifficultand variousproblems.

It's inevitable that people have to go through lifelong learning and living alone is definitely a part of it. ... This sentence is unclear to me. Kindly rephrase it.

People will need to find how they are going to use their times wise and more efficient when they are left alone. ... I would say this as,

People will need to work out how to mange their time accordingly so that they become more efficient.

Very helpful thanks!