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IELTS writing T2: living in a small family unit or building an extended family?

nguyenvuong 3 / 4 2  
Jun 15, 2019   #1

what is better - small or big family?

IN many countries today, people in big cities either live alone or in a small family units, rather than in large family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?

Nowadays, people in large urban areas tend to live on their own or build a nuclear family rather than having an extended family because of the benefits they think it may bring. Some people, on the opposite side, argue that there may be some negative aspects we should also look at when pursuing this trend.

It is undeniable that living on one's own have some great benefits. Living alone gives one the freedom to make their decisions without asking for the permission from their parents. Living alone can be supported by the idea that we will learn to take care of ourselves and be a full grown-up. This trend actually has been followed by a major group of people, especially young ones. In recent years, it has been estimated that more than forty percent of young people in big cities on their own or with their small families.

This trend, however, is not heavily supported by the pro-family people. Living alone or with few members actually means that we have no one to lean on when in hardship. It even makes people less sociable and may cause stress in some ways. Also, these people argue that those often live alone are young people. If we live alone who would take care of our aging parents. This seems to be a very concerned issue in many countries.

To conclude, it is difficult to say whether it is a positive or negative trend. Judging it depends on the situation and the choice they people want to make with their lives. However whether is a one-member family or a three generation home, one must feel happy with their lives, which is the ultimate goal of building a real family.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jun 15, 2019   #2
Hello there!

I think that, for the most part, your essay is nicely well-written. You were able to elaborate your thoughts with a condensed structure and appropriate language.

I do, however, think that you can focus more on your strategic usage of terms/words. Notice how misusing terms can affect your essay's quality. Focus on these small details, considering that your writing's satisfactory already.

Take, for instance, the following lines and/or revisions:

... living on one's your own have has some great benefits. Living ... without asking for the permission ... Living alone ... idea that w We will learn to ... and be a fully grown-up.

Notice how evading repetitive usage of similar/synonymous lines, leaving more space for depth.

Consider these revisions:

If we live alone, no one who would take ... This seems to be ... issue is a growing concern in many countries.

I hope I was able to contribute to your writing.

Best of luck as always in your writing!

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