IELTS Writing Task 2 - Living by themselves

Please rate my essay and give advice, Thank you very much

Topic:
The number of people choosing to live by themselves in increasing rapidly in recent years.

Why? Positive or negative development for society?

Living on their own has become increasingly common among the number of people in recent years. People hold different views about how a large proportion of people who decided to live alone affects individuals and societies. To my way of thinking, there are some main reasons for this situation and some negative effects will be discussed later.

There are numerous factors accounting for the reasons why more and more individuals living by themselves. One of the main causes is that the young can be pronounced receive some benefits from that, especially the independence. From living alone without parents' help, young adults can learn more about personal soft skills and the way managing their own money. They can also broaden the freedom and private space and use their schedule which suitable for their work and lifestyle without bothering other family members. Another plausible explanation is reducing responsibilities and financial burden. At some certain ages, people tend to get married and have their kids, that is the reason why many families get difficulties in finance and they must hold bigger duties. Instead of that, others choose to live by themselves to concentrate on developing careers and follow their passion.

In fact, this phenomenon might cause deleterious impacts on individuals and social development. One of the key disadvantages is age population problems. To explain, the elders living alone without a caring person, usually feel isolation, loneliness, and emptiness. It becomes more difficult and dangerous when they sick and too old to take care of themselves. The growing aging population has also resulted in the government taking on additional responsibilities for managing and supporting single families. Moreover, that can lead to unemployment and lacking accommodations.

In conclusion, the youth tend to decide to live on their own because of private space and family responsibilities decreased, and it can have a clear influence on each personal and social development.

Don't repeat the instructions. If you can restate the questions accurately, then you should be able to create direct responses to each question. These will create your thesis statement and provide an assement tool for your English comprehension skills. Direct questions always require direct responses in the restatement paragraph.

You have not provided explanations for your reasons. The most you have done is provide successive reasons which, sadly, remain without proper reasoning development. This created under developed , incoherent, and cohesiveless paragraphs. I betyou already know where your major failingscores will come from right? You won't get good scores based on reasoning alone. Clarity of thought, related examples, and properly expanded explanations are what matter the most in terms of scoring requirements.

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you should state your point of views rather than rephrasing the instruction in the opening by saying I believe that ....
I think you need to pay more attention to your grammars, or else you may lose marks on grammatical points and accuracy:
... learn more about personal soft skills soft personal skills and the way managing their own money

You can use several collocations to make your essay sound more natural:
Living on their own Leading an independent lifestyle has become increasingly common ....
... to live on their own independently because of ....

You should also tighten your sentences by cutting extra words or shorten phrases:
that is the reason which iswhy many families get have difficulties ...

In fact, this phenomenon ...