Life in a big city
Living in big city is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Living in the urban cause many awful effects on citizens' health. In my point of view, I agree with this opinion to some extent and it has both opposite sides.
Firstly, I admit that living in big cities have many pollutants which human have to deal with. The emission made by vehicles, factories,...causes some respiratory system diseases. For example, one of the diseases which everyone easily has to deal with is asthma. In addition, not only was physical health but also one more bad effect is mental health. The sound came from transportation system such as cars, motorbikes,... it is really noisy. People can concentrate on business or relax after a busy day. Its called noise pollution. All of that bring about the bad health for people living in the city center.
In contrast, citizens have many benefits which good for their health. One of the health's services is the fitness center. People come here to improve their physical health better. Besides, the technology system is very modern. In many hospitals, the patients can be taken care of very carefully with the best services. Many serious diseases such as cancer, HIV,... are able to be handled by the best doctor and many new technologies systems. One more thing is the increase in entertainment industry, it has positive effect on people who have busy lifestyle.
In conclusion, despite the harmful effects listed beyond, I think the advantage are outweigh the disadvantage.
( Please score my essay )
Indeed, your essay does not attract me at first sight, indirect introduction would be recommended instead of a direct one. You need to use more complex sentences and more academic words in general. A wide range of vocabulary is needed for writing essays. Besides, you need t use transitional words/phrases competently and smoothly, associated with some suggestions are shown in conclusion which makes a great contribution to improve your score, in fact. probably your score is around 4 to 5.
I think you should provide the facts in more detail and in attractively way using more vocabulary and academic words. You should provide the disadvantages of big cities with more ideas - the unhealthy food, the stressful work life and the transportation system,etc. I think you should not write the advantages of the bid cities because the question is only to focus on the bad side of the city. So, you should collected more information and describe it using more vocabulary and conclude your essay claiming whether you are agree or disagree.