Your prompt restatement does not make a clear connection with the original prompt. The original discussion simply stated that the discussion is to be based on a a general discussion regarding the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community. The writer is not being asked to perform any assessment of the topics that could lead to a presentation of a personal opinion. Rather than a personal opinion, the last part of the first paragraph should only state one advantage sentence topic and one disadvantage sentence topic. Based on the prompt restatement + response guidelines, the writer failed to properly represent the original prompt.
The discussion patterns of the writer are acceptable. However, the cohesiveness of the paragraphs need to be better developed to increase the C+C score that is reliant of the proper connection between reason 1 and reason 2 in a paragraph. For example, the focal point of the first reasoning paragraph is pollution. Therefore, the second reason should indicate the relationship of pollution with the small community. This would be a greater disadvantage representation since it will clearly connect the small community discussion to the anchor topic.
Firstly
You cannot use a numerical ordinal in a paragraph if there is no series that follows it. You need not always count or numerically list your reasons. You can just discuss the topics directly and use connecting phrases instead. Build your transition words, phrases, and sentences abilities to further increase your GRA score.
This is not an opinion essay but a general discussion. Therefore, the writer's personal opinion should not be reflected anywhere in the presentation.Not in the introduction, not in the conclusion. This is a direct prompt alteration that will have negative scoring results for the writer in the end.