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IELTS Writing task 1: Lonely life by gender profile

nhatanh 1 / 2  
Sep 3, 2013   #1
please help me with my vocabulary and grammar. thanks

The diagram illustrates the proportion of British having a lonely life by gender and age profile in 2004/2005.
The most unique feature of the graph is that the number of elderly people who live alone took up the highest proportion in total.
As can be seen, less women were prone to suffer a lone living than men from the age of 16 to 64. Both the 16-24 and the 45-64 age groups showed the same parttern, with the figure of men virtually outperformed the ones of women, just merely 5% and 4% in the former as well as 15% and 14% in the latter. Nonetheless, there was a considerable difference between male and female from 25 to 44 years old experiencing a single life. In particular, the quantity of women constituted only a half of that of men, which occupied above 15%

Turning to the older group, there was an inversion in the dominance which women accounted for an overwhelming majority and significantly exceeded men. Especially, the percentage of women was double the men's, roughly 32% and 60% respectively in each group.
mangdoli 5 / 12 3  
Sep 3, 2013   #2
+ please post the diagram by attaching file to be clearer
+As can be seen, It's quite strange, the completed phrase is As can be seen from the chart
+ less women --> fewer women (less just used with uncountable noun)
hope this can help
OP nhatanh 1 / 2  
Sep 6, 2013   #3
thank you. I will post it. mm so the rest is correct , right ?
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Sep 7, 2013   #4
Where is the graph? You should have uploaded it using the feature Attach file (s), so that we could have provided yo with more relevant feedbacks.

Also follow this format for this task;
Overview of the graph
Detailed information
OP nhatanh 1 / 2  
Sep 7, 2013   #5
actually I only need to check my grammar and vocabulary, not the content. here is the graph

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