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Should long-term job-seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work


itsme2216 2 / 5  
Oct 17, 2017   #1
TOPIC:- should long-term job-seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community?

voluntary services contribution



In many countries, the government gives benefits to the unemployed or long-term job-seekers. It is observed that people take undue advantages of these benefits and take it for granted. Some people suggest that this section of the society should be involved in voluntary services. As their involvement could be considered as their contribution to the community.

In my opinion, unemployed people should be involved in different types of voluntary works based on their skills and key interests. As this will be a significant contribution to the betterment of the society. For example, voluntary works like teaching kids in a remote village would be a remarkable step in the upliftment of the underprivileged society.

Moreover, such interactions could also help these people in enhancing their knowledge, building confidence and overall personality development. Their involvement in voluntary services would make them realize the importance of work. They would develop a sense of ownership and responsibility towards their work. Furthermore, such activities could also help people in building strong networks. As they would get ample of opportunities to interact with people and showcase their talents. This could aid them to fetch a good job based on their key interests.

However, there are a few drawbacks to it which cannot be ignored. It is observed that people involved in community services like working with poor children, senior citizens, abandoned or injured animals etc., expose themselves to the risk of emotionally getting involved. This would leave them sad or anxious for those whom they are trying to help.

To conclude, doing voluntary services will benefit both the individuals as well as the society. Hence, these activities would provide new avenues to the individuals and contribute to the overall development of the country.
anarut24 2 / 4  
Oct 17, 2017   #2
if this one an essay for IELTS, I think you should find a similar word instead of using the same one more than two times. For example be involved = bound.

Also I think that this is not the advantages and disadvantages essay from the question you've written, You just have to choose one and state your oppinion.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
Oct 18, 2017   #3
Astha, you must always provide the complete original prompt requirement along with your response to the topic. You cannot provide only the topic for discussion without the instructions as to how to discuss it and then expect a comprehensive review of your work. Kindly remember to include the original prompt next time.

As of now, I can tell you that you have a problem with your body paragraph development. You present too many ideas in one paragraph. The requirement is just one idea per paragraph. The one topic requirement per paragraph is aligned with the scoring considerations for the Coherence and Cohesiveness section of the essay. You must provide a complete presentation of the idea and a thorough discussion supporting it. Evidence and personal experience may be required in such a discussion. With a 5 sentence limitation on strengthening each paragraph, you can see why you cannot present more than one discussion per paragraph. Keep that in mind for your next practice test.

Additionally, your paragraph creation is erratic. You must be consistent in presenting the minimum 3 sentence requirement for each paragraph. I know it seems like it is difficult to do. However, achieving the 3 sentence presentation is as easy as simply presenting your discussion in short sentences. Keeping each idea separate in presentation but connected to one another in the discussion.
OP itsme2216 2 / 5  
Oct 18, 2017   #4
I have modified it, based on the feedback. Please suggest.

In many countries, the government gives benefits to the unemployed or long-term job-seekers. Some people believe that this section of the society should be involved in voluntary services. As their involvement could be considered, a return to the benefits provided by the government.

It is observed that people take undue advantage of the benefits provided by the government. They tend to become lazy. lethargic and take it for granted. If these people are involved in community services, based on their skills and key interests. They would become confident and would realize the importance of work and money in their daily life where thousands of people struggle to sustain their likelihood.In addition, by doing social services, people would get to know their surroundings and other social issues prevailing in the society. They would be inspired to work for the betterment of the society. This way, they could build trust and harmony amongst the citizens of the country. It would lead to increase in the happiness quotient of the country.

Moreover, voluntary services like working with underprivileged children, senior citizens, abandoned and injured animals would contribute to the overall growth and development of a country. For example, teaching kids in a remote village would be a significant step for developing the future of the underprivileged children. As these kids will learn new things in life, which would increase the knowledge of poverty-struck families. And would further help them to fetch better jobs in the society.

Top conclude, indulging in voluntary services would benefit both the individuals as well as the community. Hence, such activities would open new avenues for the individuals and brighten the future of the country.


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