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[IELTS] 'Long-term positive effects of culture' - should tourist obey local customs and behaviors?


Jul 18, 2014   #1
Experts :)
This is my new essay :) Would you mind rating and reviewing it for me? It's really helpful because i'm near the test :) Thanks in advance.

Topic: Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Other disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The matter of culture has always stirred up burning controversies in any country because culture is often regarded the "national spirit". Many people hold firmly the belief that countries that open the door to the influx of foreign visitors should welcome the diversity of cultures coming alongside. My sentiments, nevertheless, are at par with the notion that people from another countries should adhere to the local traditions and behavioral patterns for the following reasons.

To begin with, one of the main benefits gained from the gratitude towards local rules is that it shows the guests' respect and hospitality with which they can integrate into the society effortlessly. In addition to this, that foreign passengers follow only one ěifestyle will prevent any socially chaotic states caused by misunderstanding or divergence between diversed customs or between the foreign and local ones. To offer an instance, the America sets no rules or specifically unique customs for outer-country people to obey, leading to the consequence in which there are several religious conflicts between the Christian, the Hindu and the Islam each year.

However, we should not turn a blind eye to certain advantages when the host country willingly welcomes cultural differences, the most remarkable of which is the fact that the cosmopolitan atmosphere helps raise the national residents' cross-cultural awareness. Also, a country with a cadre of global traditions is most likely to appeal to a large number of tourists who are indiosyncrasy-oriented, boosting not only tourism but the domestic finance as a whole. England is examplary in this case on the ground that, according to a survey carried out by the University of Economics in Wales, most of the governmental budget derives from multi-cultural tourism.

Granted, it is true that creating a mixture of customs, behaviors or habits is conducive to the widened horizon and economic growth, we should not forget that remaining a harmonious community with no wars, strikes or social unrests is the most acute. Therefore, refining the heteogeneous income to the traditional patterns of the locality may prove to be more expedient and peaceful.

All in all, even though letting foreign strangers do whatever they want has conspicuous merits, my deep conviction still falls for the one-way culture due to its long-term positive effects.

Jul 18, 2014   #2
You have excellent writing skills :)
A few suggestions from me;
Many people hold firmly the belief that countries thatwhich open the door to the influx of foreign visitors should welcome the diversity of cultures coming alongside. ...."that" is getting repeated too soon :D

I think you have nothing to worry about this task. You are ready for it :)
Jul 20, 2014   #4
To offer an instance

For instance

exa mplary

exemplary

In addition to this,

In addition

You have wide range of lexical resource and that is one of the essential aspects in assessing IELTS writing.

Would you mind rating

you can check the requirement of each band in IELTS Writing descriptor.

Have you conquer the time while finishing such task?, 40 minutes running so fast especially in the exam :D
Jul 20, 2014   #5
Well, sometimes I do, sometimes I exceed 4 to 5 mins. I'm practicing to limit to arond 35 but it's quite hard actually :(
And thanks for your suggestion. Just ask you why should I not write like above? Too long?
Jul 20, 2014   #6
Just ask you why should I not write like above? Too long?

examplary
exemplary

misspelling

To offer an instance
For instance

Please open your collocation dictionary
"instance"
is engaged with preposition for, in , and of
not with "to"

In addition to this,
In addition

Again open your dictionary. Try to be peruse with the sentence example given
As far as my understanding based on the dictionary given
Authentic text commonly used "in addition " not "in addition to this "
Here a example that I hope can help you
The company provides cheap Internet access. In addition, it makes shareware freely available.
Jul 21, 2014   #7
You have an excellent writing structure, excellent writing skill, perfect accuracy of collocation (lexical resources). As usual, I really love your writing and it is almost perfect writing even tough there are some misspelling words

indiosyncrasy

idiosyncrasy

examplary

exemplary .
Jul 22, 2014   #8
The matter of culture has always stirred up burning controversies in any country because culture is often regarded the "national spirit".

Well, this sounds a bit stereotype generalization. There are countries that do not have such culture issues to a significant level. This is a well written sentence and an excellent hook, however, I wish it to be modified to;

The matter of culture has always stirred up burning controversies in many countries because culture is often regarded the "national spirit".
Many people hold firmly the belief that countries that open the door to the influx of foreign visitors should welcome the diversity of culturescultural diversity that comes along with tourismcoming alongside.


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