Music is a good way of bringing people together
Hi all,
I am preparing for my coming IELTS exam. I really appreciate your attention and correction for my essay as below:
Topic: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
From primitive times to modern days, music has been seen as a critical element contributing to human civilization, which is not only a means of leisure but also a tool for connecting people together in society. In fact, there has existed an opinion stating that all the boundaries between cultures or generations can be broken thanks to those magical melodies. For me, such a socializing function of music can easily be observed in intercultural understanding but will not be the case for people of different ages.
To begin with, common preferences for certain types of music can be shared widely between people all over the world regardless of the existing linguistic or cultural diversity. Obviously, the meaning of a song either instrumentally or lyrically can be perceived just through the pattern of the melody, which can convey certain human feelings such as joyful, grieving, inspiring, or even depressing. Therefore, music can be considered as a special form of auditory language helping people to understand the deeply silent thoughts that are impossible to be covered in any verbal expressions.
On the other hand, music is actually forming certain standing barriers between different generations whose psychology will decide a distinctive music preference during specific stages of life. As a matter of fact, energetic adolescents can develop a passion for lively heavy metal, while adults at their forties or fifties tend to indulge themselves in instrumental classic melodies that function as a soothing pill for all the worries and messy thoughts stuffed in their heads. Hence, any common musical taste can hardly be detected between different ages for whom music is not only a leisure product but also an outlet for distinguished personalities developed in certain periods.
All in all, music can be a tool for boosting intercultural understanding and relationships, but contrastingly a standing barrier between different generations.
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306 words
Thank you for your help!Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Oops ! Writing 306 words, when you did not respond to the task question properly means that you will not get a good score for this essay. Kindly remember that you are scored on your ability to respond to the question, and discuss in the manner required. That means, you can write a medium length essay of 275 words and score a band 9, if your writing is that good. But score no more than a 4 with a lengthy essay that does not adhere to the formatting requirements.
Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Response: For me, such a socializing function of music can easily be observed in intercultural understanding but will not be the case for people of different ages.
There is a great chance that you did not understand the discussion requirements and decided to just write something in the hopes that you will get a score for it. You will definitely get a failing score for the essay because you did not answer the question properly. Where is the measured response to the essay? The expected response is:
I strongly dis/agree
I totally dis/agree
I vehemently dis/agree
These are just examples of how you could have properly responded to the question, which would have led to a passing TA score. Unfortunately, you did not respond as expected so the TA score will not achieve a passing score. As a single opinion essay, you should not have used the C/C style of discussion. The instruction clearly asks you to discuss the side that you support within 2 reasoning paragraphs. You did not do that. You really moved away from the discussion instruction in the essay so it will be difficult for me to say that this type of writing, with the other errors considered, can get a passing score. It will be difficult for you to achieve that.
Always look for the discussion instruction and make sure you discuss the essay as expected. The original prompt will always deliver the discussion instruction and what reasoning should be used for it. Learn to assess the essay, before you start to write your response. You can review the other essay samples here to help you better understand the different types of discussions you will come across in a Task 2 essay.
