A longer lifespan can cause some problems for both individuals and society, but these are fixable

IELTS WRITING TASK 2

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.

People in this modern world can indeed live a longer lifespan. This would cause some problems for both individuals and society, but I believe we can do something to tackle these problems.

With the increasing average life expectancy, there is no doubt that many practical problems could happen in the future. Firstly, overpopulation is unavoidable, which will contribute more pressure on the Earth, there will be more people who need houses, food, and cars. These all need to consume natural resources, such as land, forest, and nonrenewable fuel. Secondly, more older people should be taken care of, so more money will be spent on healthcare, building hospitals, training doctors and so on. Last but not least, for individuals, the long-life people would face a situation that their property is not enough to support their living in the last few years of their lives.

While these problems are certain to rise as the population of countries grows older, I believe that there are a lot of things we can do to reduce the impact of the aging population. Limit family size can be a reasonable way to deal with it. And this way can combine with that postpone the young people adults to have a baby, both can bring less newborn babies, and therefore reduce the population to a certain extent, even though people are expected to live longer than before. Furthermore, governments should launch educational programs that educate elder people to improve their awareness of health and encourage them to exercise more to reduce the risk of diseases such as cancer, diabetes, and arthritis, which could cause fewer needs for medical resources.

In conclusion, I believe that the aging population can cause a serial of problems, but we have many solutions to reduce the impact.

which will contribute more pressure => "place" or "put" sounds more right to me.
- ... training doctors and so on.
- a lot of things
=> I don't think in we can use this term in academic writing
These problems are certain to rise => "emerge"
Just my personal opinions, hope you find these useful ^^

The Task 2 essay requires you to give an outlined response to the questions provided. So you should provide direct topic answers to each question. Do not discuss the topics yet, just let the examiner know what your direct response to the questions are. These will serve as the topic sentences of your reasoning paragraphs. The examiner will then have an idea of how well you understood the topic, how it should be discussed, and what should be discussed. All of these considerations are a part of your TA score.

You repeated the prompt statement in your first reasoning sentence. Like I said, you do not need to repeat the statement in the reasoning paragraphs. You are turning the double restatement into a word filler which could have an adverse effect on your total word count. If the examiner chooses to not consider the repeated statement as a part of the total essay word count, you could end up under the word minimum count and find yourself getting points deducted because of it.

Your first reasoning paragraph contains 2 topics, both of which are not thoroughly developed in the presentation. Try to connect the 2 discussion topics next time so that you can develop a clear and cohesive explanation in the paragraph. Using connecting sentences and words would be helpful in this task. By the way, avoid using the conjunction "and" at the start of a sentence. That is a word coordinator and is always used to connect phrases or words within a given sentence. Since there is no word connection required at the start of a sentence, you should not use "and" at that part of the presentation.

Your conclusion does not summarize the topic and discussion points. It lacks the 3-5 sentence requirement for that section. It will pull down your overall score because of a little discussed and non-concluded essay presentation.

@Holt
thank you very much!! that's what I need