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TOEFL:The longer one lives with parents, the better the one will be.


eegii012 5 / 7 1  
Aug 17, 2015   #1
This writing is for TOEFL writing section. Please evaluate my passage on a scale of 5. I will appreciate that. Thanks to you.

Throughout our lives we face various difficulties, overcome many obstacles and make tons of decisions. One type of such decisions one has to make is whether to live with their parents as long as possible or live independently from their parents as early as possible. Although, it is mostly true that living on one's own elevates his or her ability to live alone and without relying on relatives, I believe that living with parents for a long time has its benefits. We may see this declaration is being true from a couple of examples from observations and knowledge.

First of all, parents have been educating us from very beginning of our lives. They are the people who taught us what is good and what's wrong in the world from an scope of humanbeings. Concerning from the causes from this, they are still have other things to teach and instruct to us. For instance, my big brother who have been living on his own once told me the same things I written above after he has faced some downturns in his life due to lack of instructions from parents.

In adolescence years, characteristics inside us do matter when it comes to choose whether to live with parents or not. It is true that personalities of us affect our decision and tendency to different situations. According to the recent study, people who like to be in the middle of many people tend to live with their parents for the longest time as possible.

Finally, living in the care and love of mother and father in adult years is essential for one to become good-minded and loving parent in the future. Your kids will watch and might inherit your healthy way of which you communicate and respect your parents. In addition to that, it is widely acclaimed that grandparents are the best people to instruct good perspectives and take care of their children , with "grand" prefix.

As a result of close analysis of living with families for a longer time and its benefits, we may conclude that parents are the greatest at educating and affecting.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Aug 17, 2015   #2
Throughout our lives we face various difficulties, overcome many obstacles and make tons of decisions.

As the opening sentence, this phrase is too long. Therefore, it is always good to write no more than 10 words when it comes to this part. You have to shorten your sentences so as to that they bring clarity and are more appealing to read. People act with decision . Is that you mean? Next, are you talking about the benefits of living with the elderly people? What are they? Write the merits with two phrases or more. By doing so, you make the thesis strong. Here is my model: I believe that well-prepared home food and shared household chores are the merits of living together with parents.


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