IELTS WRITING 2:
People are now living longer than ever before and many old people are unable to look after themselves. Some people believe that it is responsibility of families to look after the elderly, while others say governments should provide retirement homes for them where they can be looked after properly. DISCUSS.
There are a lot of discussion on how to keep elderly people under supervision. While some people suggest that the government is responsible for keeping an eye on them, others argue these are their families that should support old people.
In many countries, it is believed that the families of the elderly are morally obliged to look after old people if they could financially afford it. For example, in Russia, if people who live above subsistence level accommodate their parents in retirement homes, they are considered to show disrespect for their progenitors.
There is a lot of discussion on how to look after elderly people. While some people suggest that the government is responsible for keeping an eye on them, others argue that it is their families that should support old people. Start the introduction with a motivator. the term "a lot of discussion" is not catchy too. You could say "the controversy over...", "hot debated", "intensely debated", etc.
In many countries it is believed that the families of the elderly are morally obliged to look after old people if they could financially afford it. For example, in Russia, if people who live above subsistence level accommodate their parents in retirement homes, they are considered to show disrespect for their progenitors. The fact of the matter is that in Russia, as well as in the number of other developing countries, the social institute is devoted of strong financial support (at the beginning of the paragraph you said this is something morale and cultural in Russia, now you are connecting the matter to bad condition of the retirement homes in Russia. Try not to lose the adhesion between ideas) . As a result, the retirement homes provided by governments are usually sustained in unsatisfying condition. Because (better not to start a sentence with "because") It is clear that the elderly cannot receive proper treatment there (this sentence conveys exactly the same message as the previous one does. You could easily say "accordingly", then write the following sentence. Avoid redundancy) , in developing countries, retirement homes are viewed as
athe last resort for those families who are not able to support the elderly for some reasons . Besides, there is an argument that, in families, elderly people generate more positive emotions from interacting with their relatives. It is known that old people's children and grandchildren are the most significant source of joy for the elderly. Placing grandfathers and grandmothers far from their grandchildren may, therefore, put their well-being at risk.
On the other hand, the policy of providing retirement homes to look after(u used "look after" a lot. Changing structures of sentences could sometimes help to avoid repetition. For example you could use "take care", "..to provide services for ...", and the like). the elderly may prove reasonable in developed countries, where such homes are subsidized properly. Provided that the retirement homes can offer satisfying medical support and living conditions, the idea of directing olds there seems to hold merit. In this case, it would lighten the workload of busy families without placing old people's well-being at hazard(exactly the same structure and similar wording you used at the end of the previous paragraph. By the way, this paragraph is too short compared to the previous one. Keep the balance between paragraphs, especially when your opinion does not lean toward none of the sides. What you presented here is that the advantages of looking after elderly at home outweigh its disadvantages, but the conclusion paragraph says something different) .
To sum up, it can be seen that the appropriate solution of the aforementioned problems depends on the state of a particular country's economy and on financial state of the family. If the decision is made to direct the elderly to a retirement home, their families better remember to visit them regularly, since the connections to their offspring are as important for the elderly as the living conditions.
Hope this helps.