Nowadays, a lot of buildings, such as offices and schools, are now being built with an open plan design. why is that?
do you see this as positive or negative development?
open plan design is the future
In this modern era, there are some architectures, which are used for people to work or children to study, are using an open plan design because of two main reasons, they are development of technology and environmental reason. and I strongly believe that it gives positive impact for our society.
Open plan design will be able to people communicate and do interaction everyday. It will lead decreasing antisocial habit in our society. Because of development of technology, people are using their gadget to do daily activities more often such as gaming, listening music, ordering food, and buying something through social media, this condition produce individualistic people who do not want to talk each other even though they meet everyday. For example, people would rather spend lunchtime-break on their phone and eat their meals in the cubical room than gather and talk with friends in the canteen.
Beside that, open plan design gives good impact for environment. If a building used it, air circulation would flow well, which means using air conditioner is not necessary anymore. since it has been considered as one of cause of ozone layer damage, usage of AC highly unrecommended. in the future, if open plan design is applied for all building in the world, negative effect of global warming can be reduced.
to sum up, open plan design will lead positive development because people would be interact with each other more often, and it makes usage of air conditioner is not necessary anymore, which means it can be reducing of risk of global warming.
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Dimas, your essay has too many run on sentences. Specifically in the opening paraphrase and concluding summary. Do not rely on the use of periods to separate your thoughts in the sentence presentations. Instead, use the 5 sentence presentation format that separates the sentence discussions using a period. That way you also manage to create a more diversified sentence structure presentation going from simple to complex and vice versa.
Now, if you want to use the word "and" in a sentence, use it in the middle of a connected idea presentation. Never use "and" after a period because that is a connecting word and should be used accordingly. Also, you seem to have a problem with English writing rules. Try to remember that you need to capitalize the first word at the start of every new sentence. You made this mistake several times in the essay.
Your second paragraph focused too much on the discussion of the antisocial habit of gadget use instead of explaining how open plan designs encourage socialization among peers instead. Don't lose focus of the actual topic for discussion. Remember to refer back to the original prompt after you finish drafting the essay to be sure that all of your responses relate to the expected information and does not digress in discussion as your second paragraph did.
I have some comments for your essay, hope it helps. Iam here still learning too.
I think that you need to practice more in writing an effective sentence. I also found several errors in your essay. For example, in the first sentence of your first paragraph:
In this modern era, there are some ...
This sentence is too long and confusing. Make it into two sentences, and watch the grammar. For example:
In this modern era, many buildings (I prefer use this word rather than architectures, or later you can check what's the synonim of building), which are used to work or study, are using an open plan design. I argue that this is because of two main reasons; technology development and environmental reason.
Keep working on your essay. Practice will makes perfect, someone said. Good luck!
Hi, I have some feedback to your essay. In your introduction, it is not clear sentences because it has too much comma and you should remember to capitalization for a new sentence. You should practice to write follow this form i think it will better
+conclusion ( relate to topic sentence)
(same paragraph 1)
1 or 2 sentences relate to a thesis statement in your introduction.