A lot of people still smoke all over the world - they do not care about health warnings

Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.
Why should we be concerned about this?
What solutions would you suggest?

disastrous habit

Essay:
Smoking is a horrible and expensive habit which costs smoker's finance and causes serious health risk, yet over 1.3 billion people or 18% of the world's population smoke. However, many people are still smoking regardless of its dangers. I vigorously advocate that appropriate education and restrictive politics against tobacco may create a shard downward trend in smoking.

We cannot deny the fact that smoking definitely lead to thousand diseases and symptoms. Furthermore, there is a strong bound between smoking and cancers especially lungs cancers. Not only is the health condition's addicted person destroyed, but also people surrounding. Family, friends or even strangers who have individual contact with smokers can be influenced, that is also known as passive smoke. Although these ill effects of smoking are recognized, people are still getting addicted to this dangerous drug.

However, smoking trend can be reduced by some efforts of everyone. To adopt laws and conduct education campaigns are considered as the must-way to solve this problem. The government should be cooperate tobacco factories to propagandize the bad effects of smoking throughout citizens by advertisements or campaigns. In addition, schools also take apart of responsibilities to teach and warn their students about that. Laws finally should be tighter to diminish produce operations of the tobacco companies.

In conclusion, to victory these issues do everything to reduce the number of smokers in society. I strongly believe that it is not the governments or tobacco companies responsibilities, it is all people duties to cooperate to enhance people's awareness in smoking habit.

To my point of view, "tackle these issues" sounds better than "victory these issues" and you should add "s" to the verb "lead" in sentence "smoking definitely lead to..." in paragraph 2.

"Not only is the health condition's addicted person destroyed, but also people surrounding." This sentence uses structure "not only...but also"; however, it does not have parallel structure.

Thuong, if not for the mistake that you made in the opening paraphrase and the improper concluding statement at the end, the essay would have been perfect. The body paragraphs that you presented for the discussion of the problem causes and the possible solutions was quite acceptable. Those parts showed a clear understanding of the topic and that you had some pretty good ideas in terms of causes and solutions. That is why I was very disappointed to read the faulty opening statement and concluding paragraph. Let me show you an example of a properly developed opening statement:

Smokers all over the world refuse to stop smoking even though there have been countless health warnings regarding the dangers of the said activity. There are several reasons as to why we should be concerned about this alarming trend. This essay will look at the reasons that smoking continues to be a popular activity across the world and what possible solutions might be presented in order to curb the smoking epidemic.

In your version, you actually did some research and presented figures relating to the epidemic. These are unnecessary in this sort of essay. You should only present an opening statement based upon the previously supplied facts from the original prompt. Just explain the essay topic and discussion type in your own understanding. It doesn't need to be perfect, but it needs to be closer to the original at all cost.

The concluding statement contains both additional information and your personal opinion regarding the topic. These are not parts of a concluding paragraph. Rather, these are parts of a new paragraph discussion. The closing statement must only present a summary presentation of the discussion that you presented and the solution that you propose, nothing more.