Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


A lot of people tend to build their own business rather than working in one industry.


nida26 30 / 19 5  
Mar 28, 2016   #1
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Over time, new creative business has blown up in the market of industries. A lot of people tend to build their own business rather than working in one industry. However, I believe that this has more benefits than drawbacks.

Becoming entrepreneur is a challenge for several people who want to increase their quality of life, particularly in business market. Thruthfully, to create own business brings a lot of high risks. This is because business' owner cannot get definite revenue every month or even every day. For instance, people who sell their products in the market. Every day, they have random customers. This is also possible if in one day, there are only few people who purchase the seller's product. There is no doubt that the people who want to build their own business are ready to be prepared for the challenges and risks faced in the future. Nevertheless, I believe that there are also several benefits for being entrepreneur.

To open new business is a good chance and opportunity for the society. The people do not need to come to the workplace based on the time which has regulated by the office. They have flexible time to work because they are the owner, and they can also do their job from the far place. In the fact that they have not relationship with industry which prosecutes them to work. In addition, they are able to explore their creativity and brilliant idea which they want to do to enlarge their business. Moreover, in the future, if they success with this business, they will more appreciate their work because they have created their own business with their hand.

To sum up, bright business is good chance which has to be taken for people's life in the future. Therefore, I firmly believe that there are several benefits for being entrepreneur rather than office workers.
yonathan66 30 / 27 5  
Mar 28, 2016   #2
Hello Miss Nida, i have some suggestion for you. I hope it can help you. Thank you

Over time, new creative business has blown uphas become phenomenon in the market of industries.

Becoming entrepreneur is a challenge forto/from several people who want to ...

For instance, people who sell their products in the market(SV agreement) . Every day, they have random customers. (ambiguous sentence)
Yusri31 28 / 31 8  
Mar 28, 2016   #3
Over time, new creative business has blown up in the market of industries (the Industry market). A lot of people tend to build( It is better when you use present perfect, as the previous sentence used the present perfect. )(For Example : A lot of people have tended to build) their own business rather than working in one(a) industry. However, I believe that this(You must write clearly, "this" in this sentence makes ambiguity) has more benefits than drawbacks.

To sum up, bright business is good chance which ...
Therefore, I firmly believe that there are several benefits for being entrepreneur rather than office workers.(I firmly believe that, to be entrepreneur is much better decision than to be employee in the office.
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Mar 28, 2016   #4
hi, Nida. here my comments. keep writing. thanks

Becomingentrepreneur is --> need article : an entrepreneur
in business market . no need
[s]Thruthfully -->misspelling, truthfully
This is because OF business' owner
cannot get definite revenue every month or even every day.monthly, daily revenue
There is no doubt that the people who want to build their own business are ready to be prepared for the challenges and risks faced in the future --> have to be well prepared to face the challenges and risks at the future

To open new business is a goodchance and opportunityfor the society. redundancy

In the fact that they have not relationship with industry which prosecutes them to work.less cohesion to the previous paragraph

To sum up,bright business -->profitable, big, tough are the proper adjective
you need to reduce the using of people in your essay, by paraphrasing, using relative pronoun or change your writing style


Home / Writing Feedback / A lot of people tend to build their own business rather than working in one industry.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳