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I love the English language - summer course essay



kingkitten100 1 / -  
Jan 17, 2025   #1
This is my essay and I'm wondering if it makes me seem like a douchebag. This is the prompt I'm answering: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
There are other prompts, should I choose a different one? This isn't for a college, this is for a summer course

I love the English language. Did you know that we have over 300 words that just mean "good"? Even in such a diverse and beautiful language, it's amazing how a few simple words can carry such unimaginable weight. Some phrases never lose their punch, no matter how many times I hear them or who says them. Among the sentences that haunt me the most:
"I feel like you're the only one who cares."
Even now, writing those words floods my mind with memories of my closest friends at their lowest moments. Each time I heard them, I felt both the privilege and the burden of being that "only one", and it forever changed how I understood what it means to care.

I believe I have a sizable number of talents and skills that range from cooking to painting to boxing, but the one I treasure most is my ability to diffuse situations and make the people around me feel "good". I realized that I had this "talent" around fourth-grade. Among my many stories (all told with permission), one of my favorites is my classmate being teased for bringing a book to recess instead of playing. I sat down next to her and asked about the story and she, sparkling with excitement, told me the entire story of Harry Potter up until the fifth book, Order of the Phoenix (I was terribly sad about Sirius, I had a bit of a crush). While she was talking, a few other kids joined in to listen. Within a week, all the copies of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone had been borrowed from our school library. Another example from Elementary school was a classmate being teased during recess for his worn-out shoes. He looked ready to cry, so I walked over, complimented his cool shoelaces and started a game of tag, pulling him into the group. The teasing stopped and when recess ended, everyone was laughing together.

As I grew older, I used my "talent" in more serious situations. The first time I dealt with a suicidal person was during a trip to Washington, D.C. when a close friend lost her wireless headphones at the Lincoln Memorial, and it seemed like the shattering point after a series of difficult events. Before the trip, her father had called her a "waste of money." I'd never faced anything like this before but sometimes, what a person needs is simply someone who listens. After hours of talking, we called her dad together, and he cried, apologizing to her and all was well. That was the day I first heard, "I feel like you're the only one who cares," and I've heard it too many times since.

I enjoy my talent, perhaps more than I should. Making people feel "good"-or any of the 300 words for it-gives me purpose. I want to channel this talent into a career that makes the world a better place, and this program will provide the opportunity to do just that.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15539  
Jan 17, 2025   #2
The background that you have opted to share in this essay is a nice one. It shows your empathy for others and a willingness to help them. It shows your ability to help people resolve their issues almost like a psychologist would. I do not believe that the variations on the word "good" connects very well to the discussion though. It feels like you are trying to force a connection between that word and your story. I believe it would be better for you to lose the word good and the references to it in the essay. The content and meaning of your response will not be affected by its removal. Changing the introduction just might help your application.
lamiasalim 2 / 4  
Jan 17, 2025   #3
I loved the personalizaton and character that you brought out through this essay, however I feel the starting and ending contradicts and somehow you lost the flow along the way. You started to say along a negative note but tried to forcefeed the positivity towards the end. Just an opinion. Maybe you can maintain a little more coherence throughout the essay


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