Unanswered [1] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
Home / Writing Feedback   3

"I love my friends" essay, help edit

Dec 10, 2008   #1
I LOVE My Friends!
(this story is dedicated to Kari Jogar and Marc Paquette)

I am not the type of person who has just one best friend. I would like to think that I have many best friends. There are a few people that I would spend time with after school and would go to the mall or the movies, and such. But on the other hand I have friends I would never spend time with after school; they are fine has school acquaintances, but nothing much more.

I am a pretty outgoing, friendly person I would have to say. Although I am very shy at first, once I get to know the person I am not shy at all. Now I do not think I am a hard person to get along with either. Sure I have my ups and downs, but everyone is not perfect. What I, myself can say, that I feel I can not be put under those so called 'clicks,' personally. I am pretty eclectic I fit in pretty every 'group.'

One of my best friends' name is Kari; I love this girl to death. Kari is a sophomore at this high school and has been my friend ever since my seventh grade year in middle school. Kari is like the little sister I never had, but always wanted. Kari and I tell each other everything good or bad. We have our laughs very frequently and most of the time it is over something so pointless. Kari and I do not spend time with each other very much outside of school because of the things Kari does after school, like visiting her horse at the barn. Also because they my activities as well, like work, homework, church choir, normal choir, etc.; the list could go on forever. It seems when we are in class together or on the bus together it seems as though we are inseparable. And the bond between us is like glue that will never go.

My other best friends' name is Marc; along with Kari I love this guy to death as well. If anything happened to these two people, I would die. Marc and I tell each other everything too. Marc is also a sophomore at this high school as well. I help out Marc when he is having troubles with his girlfriend I tell him to just calm down, relax and we all can get though the situation together. Although there are sometimes I do not tell Kari some of the conversations Marc and I have, sometimes I do not need to tell Kari every little detail; which is sort of bad if we are such good friends. Because Marc and I have this little trust thing between us, and I want to keep it and not lose him as a friend.

These two people I would not say they are my 'Best Friends Forever (BFF)' because when we all grow up, go our separate ways it will not be the same: Sure we may talk to each other but we just will not ever be this tight as friends again.

Dec 10, 2008   #2
It would be easier to edit this if I knew what exactly your goal was in writing it, although the fact that the goal isn't immediately obvious is perhaps a problem in and of itself. Is this an essay meant to show how outgoing you are? Is it meant as a narrative piece about the importance of Kari and Marc to you? Is it a piece about the precious but fleeting value of childhood friends? I guess what I'm trying to say is that at the moment, the piece seems to lack a purpose, beyond your stating that you really like your friends. That's great, but there is no particular reason why your reader should care. If this is just a piece written for yourself, that doesn't much matter, of course, but if you are concerned with editing it, then presumably you are going to be showing it to an audience of some sort, which means you need to give the reader a reason to be interested.
EF_KevinThreads: 8
Posts: 13,840
[Contributor] 129  
Dec 11, 2008   #3
Yes, your writing is technically sound, so that is great. You have good spelling and grammar.

Now, can you take all this reflection and derive from it an important truth about life? If so, explain that truth as the intro paragraph and let this story support it.

Then, repeat the explanation of the inherent truth in order to make the conclusion paragraph.

Home / Writing Feedback / "I love my friends" essay, help edit