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IELTS Task 2: The low birth rate and its effects in the future

nhhung_80 1 / 1  
Aug 3, 2017   #1
The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.

What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

the low birth rate consequences

While the number of newborns is going up in the developing countries, it is predicted to go down in developed countries over the next 50 years. By 2030, one third of the population will be age at 65 and over. I agree that it will influence to the advancement of the developed countries, but we have options to resolve it. This essay will provide evidence in support of this position.

Firstly, it must be recognized that the labor force will go down in the future. Take European countries, for example, where labor force is not enough to satisfy the increasing need of the market because of the low birth rate in the past. This example shows that that fewer people will go to work and therefore fewer people will pay the income tax, which is the essential part of a nation treasure. The effect of the low birth rate on the labor force in the future is clear. In addition to this, the rising proportion of seniors aged 65 and over will be a burden to the society. The young generation will have to work harder to support the older generation. For example, Singapore has seven working adults to support one retiree. By 2030, it will be two working adults for one retiree.. It clear that the increasing rate of people at the age of 65 and over will slow down the development of their country. Thus, the countries that have fertility rate lower than replacement rate will leave consequences on themselves in the future.

As the above shows, the low birth rate will effect to the workforce and make proportion of seniors increasing. In my opinion, the government of developed countries should provide deep support for parents, like Sweden did. They can reduce the income tax for parents having children, provide freely healthcare service for the babies. I believe that the parents will feel peaceful to have a newborn with two above solutions that will help to balance the proportion of population.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,584 2489  
Aug 3, 2017   #2
Hung, when you paraphrase the original information in the essay, do not make up information about it. When you said

While the number of newborns is going up in the developing countries,

, that was not indicated in the original prompt. Therefore, you are delivering inaccurate information to the examiner and as such, will be marked down for it. Your paraphrase must always contain only a representation of the actual information in the original prompt. Do not add information not included in the basis of the essay.

You have developed the paragraphs in the wrong manner as well. This essay must have 5 fully developed statement paragraphs. Not two short and one extremely long paragraph. Each paragraphs are required to have up to 5 sentences each only. So don't bundle your thoughts into one paragraph. Divide it into topic paragraphs and make sure that you have thoroughly discussed the essay. Under no circumstances should you present half developed thoughts such as the one that abruptly ended in the first part of the second paragraph. Simply saying, "In addition to this" does not complete the presentation of ideas and reasons in the previous sentence. You left that sentence hanging.

Basically, this essay needs a lot of work in terms of presentation and paragraph development. It is still early enough for you to be able to make adjustments to your writing style. Please do so in order to become more prompt responsive in your future practice essays and the actual test itself.

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