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TOEFL: Luck Vs Hard work; Which is better? luck may disappoint you easly

I did this essay in 30 minutes in order to practise for toefl. I'm glad if you could give me a feedback and hints to improve my writing;

QUESTION: When people succeed it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

There are many instances that luck has brought people things that they never could even imagine. However, I do not see any rational in believing in luck to reach one's goals. Therefore I strongly agree with the argument that it is one's hard work that helps him reach his target.

First, if you depend only on luck for all your accomplishments, you are taking a great risk. Luck is something intangible and no one can guarantee that it would ever come your way. If it doesn't work, it would be a great disappointment. Instead if you strive hard to achieve what you want, then your hard work would take you at least closer to your final goal. In my personal experience, all my accomplishments were backed by my hard work, not my luck. And I never did encounter any disappointments of missing my goals.

Secondly, if you believe that hard work is the key to success, it would make you a visionary person. In other words, those who believe in hard work are clear about their goals and know about their final destination. They carefully organize the process of achieving their targets and continue to evaluate their progress until they reach the final goal. If you believe in luck, you would be clueless about where you are heading. For example, a friend of mine, who had severe financial constraints, had the habit of buying lottery tickets thinking that one day he would win a lottery. He was living in an illusion that he can solve his financial issues with this lottery. However, up to this day his luck has not appeared and problems have got further worsened.

Thirdly, if you work hard, luck too might shine on you and take you some more steps further ahead from your actual target. For example, my boss worked tirelessly for his promotion. He looked at every aspect that he needed to qualify for the promotion. He realized that having a master's degree would be a great credential for him to outperform his competitors. Although he had many commitments at home and work, he somehow managed to complete this degree before he was eligible to apply. At the end he was not only able to get the promotion amidst a stiff competition but also got nominated for a foreign scholarship since he had more credentials than other officers in his capacity.

Although it is good to be lucky, depending on luck for everything is not good. Hence I strongly believe in hard working that would not easily disappoint you as luck sometimes does.

Hi Suven!

I know you! I have worked with your essays in the recent past. As far as the above essay is concerned, I think that, while it is choppy is certain places, it presents a good argument and I think that it is well-structured. I would have used different words in certain circumstances, but your point is well taken and it comes through just as fine without my changes. I don't see any extreme problems with grammar and I certainly don't see any spelling issues.

The only issue I would like to bring to your attention is in the following sentence:

At the end he was not only able to get the promotion amidst a stiff competition but also got nominated for a foreign scholarship sincebecause he had more credentials than other officers in his capacity.

-->Try to remember that the word "since" is a measure of time, and it is not to be used as it was in the sentence. I know, everyone does it, but it is wrong. Use another word, as I have done for you.

Otherwise, I think you did a good job -- if this essay is a practice one for TOEFL. Good luck with the exam!

--Mark :)
Hi Suven,

You wrote very well, I think. You also used several examples to support your opinion. This point is really good for a persuasive essay. I don't see any things wrong with grammar or vocabularies, either.

Hopefully you could get the best score in your Toefl test.

  Closed ✓

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