U.S. MAILING SERVICES HISTORIC COMPARISON

The line chart reveals how to send the parcels by Federal Express and TNT Mail Service from 1920 to 2000 and is measured by the number. What stands out from the chart shows that while there was a fluctuation in the percentage of parcel delivered by FedEx, TNT experienced a gradual increase over the year.

In 1920, sending parcel through FedEx was considerable higher than TNJ Mail service. The percentage of Federal Express was 15000 of parcels, while the TNT mail service stood at approximately 5000. Over the following fourty years, there was a fluctuation in the figure of FedEx. This figure peaked at 24.000 in 1940. However, delivering parcels by TNT witnessed a rise to roughly 12.000 over the same year.

According to the chart, delivering parcels using TNT increased more quickly than using FedEx. In 1990, both mail services had the same number. The percentage experienced at 18.000 of parcels. After this, parcels which are delivered by TNT peaked at approximately 24.000 in 2000. It means the TNT witnessed higher than FedEx. However, the trend of FedEx was nearly stable over the same year. At the end of 2000, this reached at 17.000 of parcels.

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I think you need to rewrite your topic sentences... Let's me try.


the most striking point is that there was a dramatic upward trend in the figure of TNT's parcels throughout the whole periods in the question. Whreas, the number of FedEx's parcels witnessed a gradual fall after their trend peaked in the third year in chart.

Hi, @aseprudi.

Bear in mind that the standard writing in IELTS uses a comma for thousands and a full stop for decimals.
For example: 15,000 millions (fifteen thousand); 2,000 persons (two thousand); 9.75% (nine point seventy-five percent).

Also pay attention to the subject-verb agreement in your sentences, as following:
It means the TNT witnessed higher than FedEx.
There should be a noun after the word higher.

Good luck!