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Main causes contributing to make farmable land degraded; three continents were adversely affected


mersad 8 / 14 6  
May 20, 2016   #1
IELTS8-TASK1-main reasons why agricultural land become lesson productive.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land become lesson productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart gives figures on principal causes contributing to make farmable land degraded while the table presents how three continents were adversely affected by these reasons within 1990 to 2000.

Over-grazing, deforestation and over-cultivation are the most important phenomena accounting for more than 90% of soil degradation all over the world, with 35%, 30% and 28%, respectively. A mere of 7% results from other reasons such as reduction of annual rainfall, off-roading and so on.

This pattern is more or less identical to Oceania so that over-grazing was by far the first land-degrading factor with 11.3%, whereas over-cultivation had no any contribution there. In contrast, deforestation was the dominant item resulting in land degradation by 9.8% in Europe while over-cultivation constituted 3.3% as the most significant reason which degrades the farmable land in North America.

Europe suffered from a massive percentage of soil degradation by almost one quarter of its whole ground, South Pacific consisted half of the Europe proportion approximately (13%) and distantly third was North America with merely 5%.

Number of words:170


  • TASK1-TEST1-IELTS8

akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
May 20, 2016   #2
Hi Mersad, I have read through your essay. It seems that you should pay more attention to some minor issues such as punctuation and misspelling. Notice that these minor problems can affect the outcome regarding your essay. Here the example of the punctuation problems in your essay.

" ..why agricultural land become lesson productive. "
"..degraded, while the table presents.."
"..in Europe, while over-cultivation.."

I would like to suggest you to avoid using phrases such as "etc" and "so on" as it will make your essay become less academic. One of the EF contributors taught me not to put the phrases in attempts to shape the writing (thanks to Iksan "ichanpants89" for the insight). Giving two or three examples is better than using this phrases.

I wish to read the improved version of your writing in the future. Keep doing your best. Regards.
Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 20, 2016   #3
Hy Mersad,
I would like to suggest you to use transitional expressing, it will eases to read and understand your writing.
I also could not find the general trend in both of the charts.
Then, you don't need to list all of the changes but select the significant information and compare it.
You have to avoid this pattern "Over-grazing, deforestation and over-cultivation are the most important phenomena accounting for more than 90% of soil degradation all over the world, with 35%, 30% and 28%, respectively. A mere of 7% results from other reasons such as reduction of annual rainfall, off-roading and so on."

It will be more powerful and interesting, if you compare the data.

That's all for you.


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