Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

There are some main causes, effects, and measures of the childhood obesity problem


Mio_phoenix 1 / 4 1  
Jul 27, 2021   #1

Writing IELTS Task 2 - Childhood obesity



Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

Nowadays, childhood obesity is becoming a worrying problem in many nations. There are some main causes, effects, and measures of this problem that I would like to discuss in the following paragraphs.

In terms of the causes, one of them might be junk food. Hamburger, fried chicken, and the like are all-time favorites of the children. Parents want their children to eat more not to be thin, so they let them indulge in fast food. Besides, the children do not take regular exercise. They eat snacks, lie on the coach, and watch TV instead of participating in outdoor activities, which is adverse to their health.

All of those reasons lead the children to obesity which have a multitude of negative impacts. Firstly, they could suffer from various diseases such as diabetes, cancer, heart attack. Secondly, they might become unfit, unhealthy, overweight, which could make them victims of school violence. They might lose confidence, be afraid of crowd, under pressure due to body shaming.

Such astute consequences of that problem that measures need to be taken to address this issue. It is parents' responsibility to control their children's eating habits, teach them how to eat in moderation, and encourage them to exercise more. The government should take on responsibility by limiting fast food advertisements on the TV since they are to blame as well. Furthermore, higher taxes should be levied on unhealthy food to decrease its consumption in the market. Japanese government, for instance, has imposed a strict law on junk food, which does good to the citizens' health.

In conclusion, there are various reasons and adverse effects of childhood obesity. However, there are still steps could be taken to tackle this problem.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,678 4113  
Jul 27, 2021   #2
The causes and solution thesis does not have a proper representation in the first paragraph. For task accuracy scores, the writer must present 2 discussion topics each for the causes, effects, and solutions. A restatement of the discussion instructions will be considered non-responses and will not recieve a score. The writer has limited the base score consideration of his essay by not providing a clear, topic based discussion outline.

Opinions presented must be convincingly strong to achieve favorable marks. The use of uncertain words such as "might" reduces the strength of opinion in presentation. The integrity of the paragraph presentation is compromised as the writer is seen as being unable to accurately support his opinion from a convincing standpoint. Since the causes paragraph is the basis of the effects and solution discussions, this must be the strongest paragraph presented as an opinion statement.

The conclusion could be more convincing if a reverse paraphrase is used and at least 3 sentences are used to drive home the writer's point.
Vanphan 2 / 5  
Jul 27, 2021   #3
to eat more and not the like

Be afraid of crowds and be under pressure

There are still steps that could be


Home / Writing Feedback / There are some main causes, effects, and measures of the childhood obesity problem