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[IELTS Writing Task 2] Which is the main environmental problem?

trvaanh 8 / 17 2  
Jan 27, 2020   #1
Topic: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

biodiversity reduction

A major debate revolves around the issue of environmental degradation witnessed since the 20th century. Since thousands of plants and animals have become extinct, people expect it to be the most pressing problem. However, I would argue that other issues such as global warming cause more adverse effects. This essay will discuss briefly both view sides and put forward my personal perspective.

To begin with, that animals and plants are dying at shocking rate poses a threat to human life. As this devastating trend continues, ecological imbalance is likely to occur. Living organisms and nature together create an ideal environment for our planet. Without flora and fauna which are a vital food source, the ecosystem would be damaged because it is no longer provided with necessary substances to persist life on Earth. Also, human would lack oxygen to survive as well as food and medicine supply for daily activities. Consequently, life on this plant would not even exist.

On the other hand, the impact of various environmental problems including global warming leads to greater degradation. Human activities like deforestation or over-abusing of non-renewable resources lead to changes in climate that result in extreme weather events for instance ice melting, ozone layer depletion, and so on. Moreover, rising the Earth's average temperature is one of the causes of the loss of some specific species. For example, an increase in water temperature is turning coral reefs into deserts. Marine species have to face up to habitat destruction as a result. Hence, the loss of animals and plants is just a small part of the big picture.

In conclusion I think a reduction in biodiversity is a major concern to human but that people become aware of other more important issues like rising temperature might be a solution on a whole. In a long term, more environment preserving approaches should be introduced and implemented with the help from both authorities and citizens.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,892 2170  
Jan 27, 2020   #2
The paraphrased introduction is incorrect. There are two points of view prior to your personal opinion to be discussed. Your presentation totally omits informing the reader of the proper discussion requirements based on the original information in the paraphrase. Therefore, your TA will have point deductions for only being partially applicable in its understanding and presentation of the discussion instructions.

Your discussion paragraphs do not differentiate between POV 1, POV 2, and your personal point of view. The discussion paragraphs makes it appear that you are presenting a personal opinion overall. Topic sentences that represent each point of view at the start will help resolve that error.

The essay does not have a proper concluding summary either. You cannot discuss a personal opinion in closing as that is supposed to be one of the 3 discussion paragraphs of the required 5 paragraph presentation. The 5th paragraph is the concluding summary.

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