The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?
It cannot be denied that the main principle of the businesses is to get maximum profit. However, I really disagree when the entrepreneur do not notice some things related their business such as the surrounding environment, satisfaction of their costumer and their labor.
There is no doubt that some companies have spoiled the environment. They have produced the sewage or factory smoke in large amount. The excessive factory smoke has caused the depletion the ozone layers which will trigger the global warming. According to the recent data from United Nation Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) the amount of factory smoke has increased every year, as the number of factories built has also rose, and as a matter of fact, some entrepreneurs do not care regarding this issue. In my point of view, they are supposed to try to reduce the factory smoke produced.
Improving the satisfaction of their costumer and their labor is one of pivotal thing which must be noticed by entrepreneur, due to the reason that the level of customer satisfaction will influence the amount of revenue. To improve the pleasure purchaser, the entrepreneur must repair the service and the quality of their product. Moreover, the satisfaction of the labor is one of things which must be noticed. It cannot be denied that some factories do not care related their labor. For instance, in recent years there were plenty of labors complaining related their working hours excessively.
All in all, the head of the factories should notice a wide range of things not only regarding the total of revenue but also related the surrounding environment, pleasure of their costumer and their labor.
It cannot be denied that | suggestion: It is undeniable
do not noticeconsidersome thingsanother aspect related to their business
... as the number of factories built has also rose. and as a matter of fact,Ironically, some entrepreneurs do not care regarding this issue.
is one of pivotal thingpoints | avoid using thing, stuff etc in academic words, try to find another substitute which is more specificTo improve the pleasure of purchasers
Hi, Yusri. here my comments. keep writing dude.
related TO their business --> preposition
The excessive factory smoke has caused the depletion the OF ozone layers which will trigger has triggered the global warming.
According to the recent data from United Nation Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC)[need comma] the amount of factory smoke --> repetitive, mentioned many times in the same paragraph has increased every year, as the number of factories...
In my point of view, they are supposed to try to reduce the factory smoke produced.
... and their labor is one of pivotal thing which must be noticed To improve the pleasure OF purchaser, the entrepreneur must repair ...
Moreover, the satisfaction of the labor is one of things which must be noticed.
... some factories do not care related TO their labor.
... plenty of labors complaining related TO their working hours excessively. --> their excessive working hour
1. pay attention in the using of preposition
2. reduce the using of same words or phrase. moreover, in the same paragraph. in this essay, like using of factory smoke, thing, must be noticed
3. in this essay, you still need to explain about the main purpose of business which is gain high profit instead of just write about the damage caused by factory and their responsibility
