i am preparing for ielts, i want to improve my writing, could you check detail for me? about grammar, sentence structures, logic, and so on!thanks in advance.
The main purpose of a country's education system is to prepare young people for particular types of work rather than to help them develop independent thinking individuals. What is your view?
Nowadays, the globalization has happened rapidly, levels of competitiveness is also higher, and almost work requires people with some certain skills. Consequently, some people claim that national education systems concentrate on ranging the young for particular kinds of work. Others, however, believe that countries' education system contribute to develop independent thinking individuals. I strongly support the latter for several reasons
To begin with, through encouraging students thinking more independently contributes to make them become more creative, the key factor for their successes in the future. If education systems concentrate on ranging for the young for a particular kinds of work, young people will seem to receive knowledge passively without creation. As far as we know, most successful people are creative, therefore to help the young be able to succeed in the competitive global economy, national education system should arm to encourage young people to think and do what they love
Moreover, in real fact, It can be seen clearly that purposes of education systems concentrate on improving creativeness, independent thinking rather than for a particular types of work. When you enter university, you have chosen your major before; nevertheless, you still have to study others subjects belonging to other majors, which is consider helping you improve your capabilities. When you study many different kinds of subjects, which help you access various knowledge and experience, moreover you can understand and appreciate issue you face. in most universities, some skill subjects arm to improve creativeness, skill for team working and make manager decision have
been teaching.. Take me for example, my major is business administration, however, in fact, I not just study subjects involved management, I also study others such as marketing, account, culture which seems not involved my major, which, however, help me access creation, independent thinking
In conclusion, I definitely believe that the goal of national education concentrating on improving independent thinking of individual is wise.
nd almost work requires people with some certain skills
wouldn't it be "...almost all work..."
contribute to develop independent thinking individual
"...contribute in developing independent thinking individuals..."
I think it is really well written and your point is clearly presented, you just have to make small changes since you have some idiomatic errors. Good luck on the IELTS!!!
talk about the variety in public school curriculum, private schools, boarding schools, athletes, scholarships, neighborhood, admission process, money.
btw i hate the high school school system as it currently stands
