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the main purposes of a country's education system

thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Sep 19, 2009   #1
i am preparing for ielts, i want to improve my writing, could you check detail for me? about grammar, sentence structures, logic, and so on!thanks in advance.

The main purpose of a country's education system is to prepare young people for particular types of work rather than to help them develop independent thinking individuals. What is your view?

Nowadays, the globalization has happened rapidly, levels of competitiveness is also higher, and almost work requires people with some certain skills. Consequently, some people claim that national education systems concentrate on ranging the young for particular kinds of work. Others, however, believe that countries' education system contribute to develop independent thinking individuals. I strongly support the latter for several reasons

To begin with, through encouraging students thinking more independently contributes to make them become more creative, the key factor for their successes in the future. If education systems concentrate on ranging for the young for a particular kinds of work, young people will seem to receive knowledge passively without creation. As far as we know, most successful people are creative, therefore to help the young be able to succeed in the competitive global economy, national education system should arm to encourage young people to think and do what they love

Moreover, in real fact, It can be seen clearly that purposes of education systems concentrate on improving creativeness, independent thinking rather than for a particular types of work. When you enter university, you have chosen your major before; nevertheless, you still have to study others subjects belonging to other majors, which is consider helping you improve your capabilities. When you study many different kinds of subjects, which help you access various knowledge and experience, moreover you can understand and appreciate issue you face. in most universities, some skill subjects arm to improve creativeness, skill for team working and make manager decision have

been teaching.. Take me for example, my major is business administration, however, in fact, I not just study subjects involved management, I also study others such as marketing, account, culture which seems not involved my major, which, however, help me access creation, independent thinking

In conclusion, I definitely believe that the goal of national education concentrating on improving independent thinking of individual is wise.

JavierA 1 / 3  
Sep 19, 2009   #2
nd almost work requires people with some certain skills

wouldn't it be "...almost all work..."

contribute to develop independent thinking individual

"...contribute in developing independent thinking individuals..."

I think it is really well written and your point is clearly presented, you just have to make small changes since you have some idiomatic errors. Good luck on the IELTS!!!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 19, 2009   #3
Start by learning about parallel structure and reviewing the correct usage of articles in English.

Continue by using specific examples and concrete language to ground your discussion of abstract concepts.

End by reposting your revised essay here for more feedback.
hira29 1 / 4  
Nov 10, 2009   #4
persuasive essay "there should be a uniform education system in a country"

i need authentic sources to support my argument...citations.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Nov 11, 2009   #5
what does this mean? A uniform education system...

I think you should read 5 articles about the subject, and then write your ideas that arise in the mind.
kyleroland 4 / 7  
Nov 15, 2009   #6
talk about the variety in public school curriculum, private schools, boarding schools, athletes, scholarships, neighborhood, admission process, money.

btw i hate the high school school system as it currently stands

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