TOEFL Essay "The main task of universities is to offer the students with the...D

Hello everyone, I need u to help me correct my essay :)
I think that maybe I have sth wrong

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The main task of universities is to offer the students with the knowledge and skills which are essential for their future career or give them the access to the knowledge itself.

Undoubtedly, providing students more practical or academic education become a great issue in modern society. For students' future work, practical education is really important; however, I agree with the statement that universities should offer the students with the access to the knowledge itself. My reasons are as following.

First of all, to develop the basic abilities, students should acquire theories in the beginning. If students do not gain any basic knowledge in their field, it may lead them run in to difficulties before they start to do their own projects. For example, when I was a college student, I major in computer science department. In the beginning, I did not have any ideas in how to build my project. I did not know what can I do and how can I do. After I finished those basic theories courses at first year, I gained more experience and expanded my horizons. At the same time, I read a large amount of information through the Internet which developed my basic views in computer science. Therefore, I can find the way and do a great job as better as I can.

Moreover, it is difficult to implement what students learn in the universities when they are freshmen in businesses. The major reason is that no people can guarantee what students will do in their future work. Although I, for example, will hunt my work which is related to computer science, it can not say that the work what I do that I've learn. If students can acquire more academic theories than practical methods, it can help them change the theories and implement it to different ways.

Last but not least, although practical education is important, it should be combined with academic knowledge. If students mere learn a lot of practical manners and gain a large number of practical experience in the universities, they will lose their basic abilities to develop new knowledge by themselves. Practical methods are based on knowledge. On the other hand, using academic knowledge to create the real things is students' final goal.

For the reasons above, I agree that universities should offer the students with the access to the knowledge itself.

OMG.. finally took the time to search what sth meant. stupid me. sth=something >_>



rather weak transition. maybe try presenting what you want to talk about later briefly in this paragraph.


what do you mean by theories? understanding of material? the main ideas? and in the beginning of what?


Use a "If..., then..." pattern if you use "if..." ; "If..., then they may run into difficulties when they start doing their own projects."




what do you mean by views? that it should remain simplistic? multi-structured? complex? or do you mean basic knowledge/understanding?


What do you mean? that by reading you found a way? and do a better job?


not freshmen. beginners in business*


no one*


For example although I will hunt for work related to CS, I cannot say that the work I do will involve what I learn.*


"If...then..." again. they may lose*


What do you mean?

Conclusion can use some touch up. Make sure you say your main point earlier. It's somewhat hard to follow your logic. What I came to understand was that although its necessary to learn practical skills, universities should give their students more knowledge based information and theory so that these students can adapt to new jobs?? I don't know.. sounds contradictory at times. I thought that it's better to have practical experience that although you may not use what you learn, you have that experience to use elsewhere...but your opinion is fine..just make your points clearer.Again, work on intro and conclusion to strengthen your point.

Good luck!

Your thesis is not clear.

You may say i agree that the main task of universities-------------------
Then, indicate reasons why you take a stand on it.

The thesis must state What is the result of why the universities offer the students with the knowledge and skills which are essential for-----------------

Here are my suggestions.

^^thx I'll try better

Undoubtedly, providing students more practical or academic education has become a great...

Therefore, I can find the way and do a great job as well as I can.

or

Therefore, I can find the way and do the best job as better as I can.