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SalMon 27 / 113 10  
May 30, 2014   #1
Topic: When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Another ielts essays :) Can you guys review and rate (if possible) for me? Thanks a lot!

There is no doubt the application of technological developments in some countries will be accompanied with modern skills and new lifestyles. It is argued that these so-called cultural invasions will result in the distinction of national traditions, and there is no need to maintain them. However, from my point of view, what can be expected, is a change of the role of the tradition but not its disappearance from the society.

It is undeniable that the country's culture is passed down mainly through traditional skills and ways of life. For instance, in Vietnam, many water puppet shows which once demonstrated our seasonal agriculture and communal activities, are today substituted by cinemas and music concerts. This means the young generation can solely get access to their ancestor's early life through books and images, which otherwise would be much more easily absorbed.

In tradition, a person should look back at the past, mainly by means of custom handcraft or antique lifestyle, to progress. Understanding why, and how our predecessors survived through thick and thin will probably be invaluable lessons for us today. Also, study form their mistakes helps us accomplish our goal with smooth sailing.

To sumarize, there should never be any replacement for traditional skills or ways of life. They are the ones that teach, and will teach us to be self-esteem and experienced, which means their preservation throughout history deserve our attention.

And if able, would you please help me find another word for "ways of life" or "lifestyle"? I feel I have repeated it too much :<
thanhphongct1 5 / 18 2  
May 30, 2014   #2
i think you should not use the word " study " in the 3rd paragraph's last sentence. in my opinion, i will write something like this : " learning from their mistakes is able to help us accomplish our future goal with smooth sailing " or something like this :" their inheritable experiences from previous mistakes can helps us persue our goals more easily ". you need to distinguish the difference between " study " and " learn " very carefully 'cause i sometimes use both of them in unappropriate situations . hopefully i can help u with this comment ^^
thanhphongct1 5 / 18 2  
May 30, 2014   #3
one more thing, your last sentence in the concluding paragraph is like vietnamese style , the structure " that teach and will teach " doesnt sound weird to me 'cause im vietnamese as well but to the foreigners it definitely does , i think so. shorten it to make it easily understandable :D
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
May 30, 2014   #4
Thanks! Easier for compatriot :) I know it sounds so Vietnamese :) But recently i have read a 8.0 essay and it uses the same phrase so I think it might help a little :) Thanks for your previous comment. Do you have any contact so we can discuss English essays better?
thanhphongct1 5 / 18 2  
May 31, 2014   #5
oh really, maybe im wrong LOL, anyways, your writing skill in general is so good that i definitely need to improve alot more to reach that level, yeah pleasure to discuss Eng with u, i use both facebook and yahoo : thanhphongct1
OP SalMon 27 / 113 10  
May 31, 2014   #6
Thanks for your kind word :) I need to correct myself more :) but hey I can't find your contact fb?
thanhphongct1 5 / 18 2  
May 31, 2014   #7
try this to find me via fb : Dang Cao Thanh Phong , i couldnt type my full email address 'cause this forum prevented me to do so, ( they prevent spams or virus links ) so use my fb's name ok :D