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IELTS TASK 2 - The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems


madmoiselle 21 / 33 5  
May 8, 2016   #1
The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems.

Majority of the cities have been developing rapidly. This growing, leads to the problem that made the young people struggle. Nevertheless, there are some possible solutions that could be taken into account to address this issue.

High standard of living is a main problem of youngster living in the cities. All of the costs, such as foods and accommodations are higher than in the urban areas. This is due to the competition of business among city dwellers is firm. In addition, another major problem is the traffic jam. As the city is the most densely occupied area, many of them prefer using their own vehicle to using public transportation. Thus, it is undoubtedly that the bottleneck is the problem that make the youngster struggles.

Turning to the possible solutions, the young people ought to live economically and manage their money efficiently. For instance, they not buy unnecessary items, more often eat at home rather than at restaurant, and so forth. Therefore, they are able to save deposit for a rainy day. Another possible solution is, they are supposed to use public transportation in their daily pursuits. If the distance of destination place is nearby, walking is the best way to decrease the number of transportation in the street. Hence, the problems of traffic jam could be diminished.

In conclusion, living in the big cities leads to the troubles for the young people. However, the problems they facing are a challenge, in order to they become a good citizen who are able to adapt in every hard situation.

Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
May 8, 2016   #2
Hello madmoiselle

I applied some stylistic refinements to the text so that it sounds better:

Majority [...] As of recently, many world cities have experienced a rapid growth.
This [...] This, however, also resulted in making it harder for young people to enjoy the thoroughly adequate standards of living.
account [...] when it would come to addressing the issue.
High [...] Young people that reside in the urban areas are challenged by having to cope with the high costs of living.
in the urban areas [...] you must've meant rural areas?
This is due [...] Partially, this can be explained by the highly competitive aspects of an urban living.
occupied [...] populated...
Thus [...] there can be only a few doubts that while trying to cope with the realities of a city life, young people are bound to experience problems.

they [...] should not...
more [...] They should also eat more at home...
Therefore [...] By doing this, they will be able to...
solution [...] - young people should rely on public transportation while getting around.
If the [...] If the destination happened to be within a walking distance, they should consider getting there on foot.
leads [...] indeed proves troublesome for many young people.
However [...] after having proven themselves capable of addressing the mentioned challenges, the concerned individuals will be more likely to attain social prominence.

I hope it helped. Regards.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 8, 2016   #3
Hi Rere, I'd like to share a few insights to your essay.

As it was observed from your previous articles, you were having difficulties with your sentence construction. You seem to miss the linking verbs that completes the sentence. Reminder, you have to make sure that there is a link in your sentences, as mentioned, as this minor details complete the sentence, they are very essential in coming up with a strong essay. Moreover, you need to make sure that you proof read your essay, my practice is, I read the sentences aloud, as soon as I hear that something is off, I go back and edit that particular part of the sentence.

Rere, the suggestions we provide here on EF will hopefully help you come up with a good and even stronger essay and should you have any further questions, we will be here to help you out. I do hope that you revise the essay with the help of my insights and make use of the suggestions we provided.Keep writing.
OP madmoiselle 21 / 33 5  
May 8, 2016   #4
Hi Victor and Ivy thank you you for your suggestions :)

My difficulty is, I struggle to express my idea into English way, because the structure sentence of my native language is totally different with English. So, when I express my idea in English, it is like I force my native language to become English, therefore may be for the reader it becomes understandable, because the collocation words that i use is my native language collocation. I feel it is difficult to find the right words in English.

For example:
My sentence : they are supposed to use public transportation in their daily pursuits.
Victor sentence : young people should rely on public transportation while getting around.

Generally, the both sentence has similar meaning, but victor sentence sounds better in English rather than mine, because in my native language it will be weird when I say "rely on", so I have no thought to use this words.

Oh ya, anyway ivy could you give me an example in my writing which is lack of linking words. I try to re-read few times before I post my essay here, but I do not know what are my recklessness in my writing, so that why I post my writing here in order to the others give me feedback what should I need to be improved.

I aware, I still need more practice in writing, moreover i need get score at least 7, fortunately this web has helped me much to deal with it.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 9, 2016   #5
- For instance, they should not
- they should eat more often eat at home
- Another possible solution is,that they are

There you have it Rere, the above phrases are extracted from your essay in order to show you how else you can possibly create a stronger essay. As mentioned, different writing purposes demands different writing strokes, however, when you get your sentence constructed in a way that your ideas flow accordingly, this will give you time to make your essay better if not the best one you have.

Moreover, you just need practice and I believe everything will progress properly. It is absolutely a good practice to note your progress, wether it be draft or some random writing that you happen to do in a lazy day, all of this will take your writing to the next level.

I hope my insights helped!
radhiyah_fahra - / 4  
May 9, 2016   #6
Hi madmoiselle ,, thank you for ur feedback
Majority of the cities have been developingflourishingrapidly recently. This growing, leads to the problem that mademakes it harder thefor young people struggle .

... accommodations are higher than in the urban rural al[/b] areas. This is due to the firm competition of business among city dwellers is firm .

... many of them prefer using their own vehicle torather than using public transportation.
... bottleneck is the problem that makes the youngsters struggle.

For instance, they should not buy unnecessary items, should more often eat more at home ...
Therefore, teenagersthey arewill be able to save deposit for a rainy day.

However, the problems they facingface are a challenge, in order to they become a goodremarkable citizens who are able to adapt ...


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