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IELTS essay : Nowadays majority of people are trying to live in the cities


ferocious12 3 / 6  
Jun 2, 2009   #1
Nowadays majority of people are trying to live in the cities and many people not much interested to live in small towns. Discuss both with your own experience and your opinion.

Results of a recent survey from five thousand individuals represented by the same age groups as that of previous survey ten years ago has discovered a significant shift in preference whether they want to live in the cities or in the towns. The ratio of people who want to live in the cities has increased by 30% as compared to previous survey. Given that, the composition of respondents is approximately the same as it was in the previous survey and there is some overlapping population of respondents in the previous and the recent survey, this shift of preference may have profound implications for the future planning of the government.

There are variety of reasons of shift in preference by the same age group people to live in the cities. Electronic media has sketched glamorous picture of life style in cities which really attracts people living in small towns. In addition, difference between quality of life of people living in cities has improved much faster than people living in towns. This gap is increasing due to factors such as more focus on the cities versus towns and availability of more resources in cities due to globalisation. There is no doubt that big cities offer more employment and business opportunities than towns.

On the other hand, there are number of people who still prefer to live in towns. Careful evaluation of the results of the survey indicate that much of the respondents within age group of 40 -60 years prefer to live in towns where they have been living for years. It is also the affiliation this age group has with the place they born in and brought up. Further, there is clear difference in the values of people with this age group as compared to people covered in the survey, younger than 30 years. The more older a person is the more conservative he is. People with age group of 40-60 prefer to stay away from the fast life style of cities. Furthermore, they have strong feelings regarding the materialistic view of life in cities where, even one does not usually know who is living next door. Moreover, it was also very obvious from the survey results that most of the people whose profession is on the artistic side prefer to live in towns due to its calm atmosphere.

I belong to a small town but shifted to a city soon after my A levels in order to pursue further studies and living in the city since then. There are clearly marked differences in the lifestyle of a city and a small town, the value system etc. I have much lesser time for myself in the city as compared to when I was in the town due to variety of reasons e.g. Commuting time is much more in the city. Moreover, there are point of views to look at the difference between living in a city and a town, materialistic and spiritual. If I compare the lifestyle based on materialistic factors e.g. Things I own or possess, interference of people in my personal matters etc. City is much better place as compared to town. Whereas, if the measurement principle is spiritual one then lifestyle in town is much preferred as compared to city due to calm environment, caring people around, less materialistic approach towards life and probably more satisfaction.

It is mainly the thinking style which determine one's preference whether to live in a city or a town. Both has its own merits and demerits. It is one's point of view regarding life which principally determines what he or she consider as merit or demerit like some people consider the interference of people around in their matters as merit. At the same time, some people find it frustrating and try to avoid such interference.

EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 3, 2009   #2
This is very strong as an IELTS essay. Watch out for prepositions, articles, and verb tenses.

Results of a recent survey of five thousand individuals representingby the same age groups as that of previousa survey ten years ago have revealed a significant shift in preference concerning whether people want to live in the cities or in the towns.

The ratio of people who want to live in the cities has increased by 30% as compared to the previous survey.

Given that (omit comma) the composition of respondents is approximately the same as it was in the previous survey, and there is some overlapping population of respondents in the previous and the recent survey, this shift of preference may have profound implications for the future planning by the government.

There are variety of reasons of shift in preference by the same age group people to live in the cities.

I belong to a small town but shifted to a city soon after my A levels in order to pursue further studies, and have been living in the city since then.

Each has its own merits and demerits.
or
Both haveits own merits and demerits.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 4, 2009   #3
You may also want to refine your tenses here, too: "I belonged to (or even 'came from,' or 'was raised in') a small town but shifted to a city soon after my A levels." In a certain sense, what you have at the moment works, and is even a bit poetic -- presumably you consider yourself as a small town person, even though you currently live in the big city -- but I'm not sure that was intentional, given the other tense errors mentioned by Simone.
OP ferocious12 3 / 6  
Jun 7, 2009   #4
Thanks Guys. I hope this process will certainly improve my writing.

Can you please comment on overall writing level whether it is appropriate or good ?
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 8, 2009   #5
In my opinion, your overall writing level is good.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 8, 2009   #6
You have a decent essay structure, and while you do have some grammatical errors, they tend not to interfere with the reader's ability to understand your point. I'd write some more practice essays and post them here (don't forget to start them in a new thread, though). These sorts of essay are very formulaic, and after writing a couple of dozen, you should be able to quickly compose one without much difficulty.


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