Dear Septia.
I have read your essay fully, and yes, you have addressed the question effectively. However, some grammatical errors come up and reduce the perfection of your essay. It seems to me that you are having a problem with past and past participle form of 'teach'. So, here we go, 'teached' is not the second form of 'teach', but taught. Teach-taught-taught.
... 46% people who had beenteachedTAUGHT to compete in
adults and children should be teachedTAUGHT about keep
Then, the phrase to say 'as far as i concerned" is also wrong, but 'as far as I
AM concerned' is the true.
good luck.