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Nowadays, the majorty of children are facing a huge pressure rather than in the past


septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Nowadays, the majorty of children are facing a huge pressure rather than in the past due to academic, social and commercial perspective. I would argue that the willingness to be the best, and comparing children with another will lead children to become more stress. Thus, giving them education in regards to the winner is not always be the best, also teach them for being grateful are the best solution to tackle this problem.

It is popularly believe that children should be trained to increase their sense of competition in order to help them prepraing their future career as tough adults. As stated by an expert psychologist, Mark Gilbert, explains that 46% people who had been teached to compete in early stage are always occupying supervisor positions. However, they were getting more pressure than their peers when they were still a children. Therefore, children have to acquire about to become a winner, they do not have to impose themselves.

Another cause is adults usually compare their children to others. They think that it can help their children to motivate themselves to expand their abilities. In contrast with the notion that this way can lead children to get stress because they have their own unique natural abilities that are different with others. To overcome this issue is adults and children should be teached about keep feeling grateful of what they have, and help their children to improve their skills.

To sum up, as far as I concerned that teaching children about competition, and always comparing them with their peers can cause children to become more stress. I generally believe that giving them knowledge about the winners and the losers, also being grateful are the best way to help children reduce the pressure. (290)
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Septia,

-...children are facingface a hugeheavier pressure rather than..
- I would argue that the willingnessforcing them to be the best in class and comparing childrenthem with anotherother students will lead children to become morestressful.

- Thus, parents/teachers should teach them for not always thinking about being the best, instead as a solution, they are suggested to teach them to always be grateful.giving them education in regards to the winner is not ...

- To sum up, as far as I concerned, that teaching children about competitionto compete , and always comparing (...) children to become more stressstressful.
- I generallystrongly believe that giving them knowledge about the winners...by telling them that sometimes you win, sometimes you learn, andalsoto be grateful are the best wayS to help children reducereducing the pressure.

As you can see, some modifications and remarks have been given. You can mind the above-mentioned feedback to help you achieving a better essay in the next practice. Good luck for that :)
MufliHamid - / 21 7  
Nov 28, 2016   #3
Dear Septia.

I have read your essay fully, and yes, you have addressed the question effectively. However, some grammatical errors come up and reduce the perfection of your essay. It seems to me that you are having a problem with past and past participle form of 'teach'. So, here we go, 'teached' is not the second form of 'teach', but taught. Teach-taught-taught.

... 46% people who had beenteachedTAUGHT to compete in

adults and children should be teachedTAUGHT about keep

Then, the phrase to say 'as far as i concerned" is also wrong, but 'as far as I AM concerned' is the true.

good luck.


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