Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

How to make our society better?

little kitten 2 / 1 1  
Feb 14, 2017   #1

solving dilemmas of our society

All of us are raised in this society and thus have the responsibility to improve it. With the rapid development of industries and sciences, there are lots of problems in our society pertained to the aspects of educational systems and environmental pollution. Therefore, we should make our society better starting by solving these dire obstacles.

First and foremost, by altering the current educational systems we can relieve the problems of unemployment. Nowadays school education has ironically turned into college entrance education, which disastrously leads to over-qualified graduates with low-paying jobs while local companies lack professionals. We should offer integrated and diverse educations along with expanding the implementation of industry-academy cooperation.

Secondly, it is indispensable to improve the quality of our living standards by protecting our environment. Strengthening the control of waste liquid treatments and subsidizing electric / hybrid car purchases would be a sensible choice rather than continuing this fatuous devastation to our mother nature. In addition, we must also reduce the amount of personal garbage so as to achieve a sustainable environment for human society, paying special attention to harmonizing the relationship between humankind and nature.

Last but not the least, an efficient and thorough improvement to our society relies not just on the reforms in policies but on the effort of involving every single person in this movement. Our success in improving our society depends on the extent to which we can get the people involved in this movement and make them understand the significance of solving these social problems. This will determine how fast our society progresses and improves.

Obviously, it is high time that we should take certain measures to solve the problems. I think all the methods described above can solve the dilemma to our society and lead us to a better tomorrow.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,144 3273  
Feb 14, 2017   #2
Kalmia, are you writing this as a response to a specific English qualifying test that you will be taking in the future? If so, then please tell me which test that is and also, provide the complete prompt requirement that you are responding to. That is the best way for me to be able to properly review and comment on your essay. That is also the best way to present your essays for review in your future practice tests.

While the discussion is engaging and knowledgeable, I am unsure as to whether or not this is the proper response to the prompt. So it would be best if I knew what topic you are trying to discuss and what the expected response presentation is. I would like to commend you on the good work (so far) that you have done in terms of lexical resource and grammar range. This essay is truly understandable and does not cause undue stress upon the reader. Whether it properly responds to the prompt though, is something that I have yet to discover.

Home / Writing Feedback / How to make our society better?